1916*
WAR REDUCTION For obvious reasons the college has requested class secretaries to reduce by onethird the length of their column. As a result, you need not set aside quite so long a time out of your busy lives for the perusal of these secretarial outpourings.
REUNION Reunion dates in Hanover this spring are May 15, 16, and 17, so any of you guys who want to organize an unofficial affair with or without coats can do so. The college predicts that there will be dormitory space available.
NOT GUILTY Comes now the defendant, Fletcher R. Andrews, who pleads not guilty to the insertion of his picture in the January issue. Defendant says he knew nothing about this heinous offense and was in no way a party thereto. Further pleading, defendant says that one John Patrick English was wholly responsible therefor, and he recommends that said John Patrick be drawn and quartered as a fitting punishment. Further, defendant saith not.
HOSPITALIZED Shorty Shaw and Max Bernkopf are in the hospital after very serious operations. I know that they would be very happy to receive word from any of the class. Shorty (Dr. Eliot E. Shaw) is at Phillips House, Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston; and Max is at Beth Israel Hospital, Brookline Avenue, Boston. For the class, I send them best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery.
GATHERINGS Even during the drab winter months, Sixteeners occasionally forgather to talk it over (or sing it over). At the annual dinner of the Boston Alumni Association, the following were reported present: Cutler, English, Gile, McAuliffe, and Newmark a small but select group. My informant included in his pre-dinner report a ghastly pun—so bad that I hesitate to inflict it on you, but here goes, and don't blame me. He wrote: "At what time do you think the dinner will commence?" Answer: "At eight." Question: "Do you know why?" Answer: "Because we ate at eight." This poor fellow has threatened to send me a full report of the party. Let us hope the report will be punless.
At the Dartmouth-Harvard basketball game my informant (not the same one, so you are safe in reading on) saw Peg and Cliff Bean, Jim Coffin, the Larry Haywards, and Gil Tapley and family. Gran Fuller must have been there, too, as he is the one who sent me the news.
MORE HONORS Our boys certainly do things in the world. President Frank Bobst has recently been elected president of the General Agents and Life Managers Convention of Boston for 1942. Said Frank after the election: "It was a tough fight, but after my success in gaining the presidency of Dartmouth 1916, I knew that I would win."
Bob Brown, he of the dialect stories, has been elected chairman of the Nashua (N. H.) chapter of the American Red Cross. In these days, that should be almost a full-time job.
A long article about Bones Joy, in a New York paper, states that as recording manager for RCA-Victor, Bones must listen to the deluge of patriotic songs inspired by the war. I wish I could quote the whole article. It is a gem. Said Bones, among other things, "There will be about three patriotic songs a day urging us to slap the Jap, etc., most of them in bad rhyme and worse music. I'll hear all of them through on the slight chance that another 'Over There' is hidden somewhere in the batch." During the interview with Bones, a songwriter offered him a new one entitled.
"The Japs Haven't a Chinaman's Chance" —a somewhat paradoxical title. Bones predicts that the war will accelerate a trend back to sweet music, which may bring about a renaissance of the waltz, so sharpen your dancing pumps, you awkward old devils. How about the first waltz, Lou? I'll promise to hum in your ear, and it will be divine.
Dick Parkhurst, in being elected chairman of the Boston Port Authority, received a well-deserved promotion from the vicechairmanship. Dick has given all of his time to this work since 1929. His visagemore Adonic than ever—appeared in the Boston Traveler.
Stew Paul has received a promotion to the rank of colonel, which, if memory serves correctly, makes him the highest ranking army officer in our little group.
In a Worcester paper there appeared recently a picture showing John Stearns inspecting the work of a Dartmouth student on a sweater-knitting machine operated by Dartmouth students working seven hours daily. *The machine turns out garments for the British at the rate of one each fifteen minutes. I am saving up to buy one of these for "the little woman," whose speed at knitting sweaters, although darned good for handiwork, is distinctly tortoiselike by comparison.
And presto, I have used up my allotted space, and there are still some fine "honors" items and quite a bit of general gossip. These will be presented to you next month.
Secretary, 2542 Stratford Rd., Cleveland Heights, O
