Prof's Choice

By Professor Todd Heatkerton Love, Marriage, and Noxious Behaviors

John Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (Fireside Books, 1994). This is an excellent popular book from one of the leading researchers on human relationships and the single best book on marital discord. It includes many practical tips for resolving conflict in relationships.

Deborah Tannen, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation (Morrow 1990). A classic book on how differences in conversational style may cause misunderstandings between men and women, it's much better than the "Mars and Vernus " pop-psych series.

William Swann, Self-Traps (Freeman,1996). A leading psychologist discusses the relation between self-esteem and relationships The book is based largely on Swann's research showing that people attempt to verify their self-conceptions.

Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick, Liking, Loving, and Relating(Brooks/Cole,1992). A reasonable overview of the scientific basis of human relationships, the book discusses issues of affiliation and attraction and various theories of coustship processes.

Robin Kowalski, editor, Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors (Plenum, 1997). Everything you wanted to know about how and why people treat each other in unpleasant ways. I he chapter "Why We Hurt the Ones We Love" by Rowland Miller is worth the price of the book alone, which also has chapters on shame, guite, embarrassment, complaining, and other noxious interpersonal behaviors.

D. H. Sons and lovers (Viking Penguin, 1995). A classic story of family conflict. A son is forced to choose between a controlling mother, involved in her own disappointing marriage, and a happy life. The description of relationships rings true.

Somerset Maugham, Of Human Bondage (Viking Penguin, 1992). Maugham's semiautobiographical autoniographical story of growing up physically deformed in miserable circumstances is an account of obsessive, unrequited love. The protagonist falls madly in love with a waitress who treats him with complete contempt. The book speaks to the irratfipality of love.

David Payne, Early From the Dance (Ballantine, 1991). This is a contemporary novel of late adolescent romance and a powerful....bmink-of-age story that also includes a more jaded and cynical view of relationships. It's a favorite of students.

Heatherton