1984

1984

Most of the columns in this neighborhood of the magazine spend an inordinate amount of time reveling in the successes, promotions, and recent parole hearings of their classmates. I think you deserve something different. Something better. With that thought in mind, we will use this month’s column to play a quick practical j oke on most of the class. First, we set the trap. We’ll start by identifying people who never read the column, at least don’t read it all the way through. Probably that’s most ofyou. The joke comes atthe end, for those ofyou that made it that far. It’ll never work, you say? Well, my research shows that the only one who consistently reads this entire column is Juliet Aires Giglio. As co-secretary, Juliet is obligated to read the entire thing, since she would be what they call a co-defendant in any libel case resulting from the column.

Speaking of libel, Debbie Schupack has anew book out. That’s what we, in the class notes industry, call an excellent segue. Not the same as a Segway, which is that silly little scooter thing that Paul Kaiser rides around his neighborhood. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, Schupack has a book out. It’s actually quite good. No libel at all. The book examines the early response of the NYC Health systems to Covid. Probably too few funny cartoons for my taste, but Debbie is a pretty successful author. You should buy a copy. Kaiser will probably be hawking itdoortodoor from the trunk of his personal transporter.

Derek Chow and Mike Salzhauer both turned 60 recently. From this fact, I must conclude that these two were older students when they matriculated at Dartmouth. Significantly older. I know for a fact that Salzhauer was in some sort of an ashram on eastern Long Island for several years after high school. I think they were both in their mid 30s in the fall of 1981. The rest of us are more similar in age to Derek Goldberg. Go to his website, derekgoldberg.net. Look at his portrait. Derek looks to be about 35 on the website. Of course, Derek is an accomplished photographer and an expert in photo editing, but there is no way he altered his appearance.

Well, you made it to the end. Shhhh. Let’s all pretend that today is Gretchen Booma’s birthday. It’s not of course. That’s the funny part. When you finish reading this column, go directly to Facebook and wish Gretchen a happy birthday. If we do this correctly, Gretchen will get hundreds of well wishes, all on the wrong day. Not only will Gretchen be confused, but Gretchen’s freshman year roommate, Kathryn Zug, will think she forgot the birthday. Zug recently retired, so she’ll feel extra bad that she forgot the big day. If we do this right, Gretchen’s fake birthday will go viral. To be clear, I mean viral in a good way, not like the way in Schupack’s book.

—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933;grubma71@sbcglobal.71et; Juliet Aires Giglio, 4915 Bentbrook Drive, Manlius NY 13104; julietgiglio@gmail.com