Class of 1911
The Secretary finds himself at this juncture n the position of having to prepare a column for the class notes and without a single fact to be put therein. The many contributions received in the past month, therefore, are hereby gratefully accepted. Perhaps this statement should be changed to say that many classmates were kind enough to send to a non-Christmas card sender their very delicately phrased greetings of various kinds. Blanket thanks are hereby extended to all such, since it may be a matter of weeks or months before each °f you is thanked in person. However, only one of these messages is of the type which should appear in the class notes. It is here given to you. "KILLING TWO BIRDSWITH ONE STONE. With this cheerfulintroduction we announce the new addressof The B. C. Wheeler Cos. and the Chicagooffice of Compton & Sons, lithographers at180 North Wacker Drive." This was from Bert Wheeler.
A few comments have been received on the class directory, not all of which were favorable. For example, Zuke Kassulker tore his page out and returned it to say that he graduated from the University of Chicago rather than Illinois—charge that up to the editor, whoever he might have been. Zuke said further, however, that he wished to be remembered to the old boys who still retain memory of him, and then politely requested that his name be dropped from the class and college lists, since he considers himself more strictly an alumnus of Chicago.
You will then have already discovered that it is time to start messing up the new directory. Besides these changes, there are the following new addresses which should be entered if you wish to keep your mailing list up-to-date: Stouder Thompson, 13122 Shaker Square, Cleveland—take your choice of whether this is business or residence; probably the Clevelanders can guess.
Chub Snow's business address becomes Box 86, North Station, Boston, Mass.; his residence 258 Main St., Reading, Mass.; occupation—iron work.
Bob Morrill has been driven into a corner of Box 347, Portland, Me., which is his business address. He lives at 106 Park St., and calls himself a bond salesman.
Hal Card complains because he hasn't been getting a magazine, but he should remember that the addressograph machine does not work fast enough to keep up with his peregrinations. He boasts of the fact that he saw Kenworthy in Coatesville a few weeks ago, as though this were some accomplishment. He adds: "We are quitecontented in smoggy old Pittsburgh, andfinding plenty to keep us out of mischief.My address is 431 Frick Building, phoneAtlantic 9955, and there's a lunch waitingfor any Elevener who is in town withenough time on his hands to call up."
Earle Gordon Jr. has established himself in law practice, having offices in both Hanover and Lebanon, N. H.
Fred Long kindly took time to write that the only news of importance was that he had a telephone conversation with Dutch Irwin, who was on his way to Quincy for a short visit. Perhaps St. Louis is on the shortest route between Cleveland and Quincy, 111., or it may be that sometimes vacation plans get worked into business trips.
Our congratulations to the Athletic Council and to Bill McCarter of the class of '19 on Bill's election as director of athletics. The only note of regret in this connection is that had Bill not accepted the man chosen might have been a 1911 man. Please understand, however, that "might" expresses a surmise rather than a statement of fact.
But again since there are no facts, these notes must contain surmises. Consequently it has been assumed that some well-intentioned, hard-working member of the class might like to take a trip West, and so that all assistance may be given such a person I have arranged the following itinerary. Having done so, I am even tempted to try it myself.
Assume you were to start from Boston or thereabouts, and Heaven knows there are plenty of men in the class in this district who might either want to travel or whose families might like to have them. Supposing you should start from Chet Butts' house in Newton, you probably would be able to get as far as Weston the same day, where you might find Al Wheeler, then the next day if you were able to get away from Al's at all, you probably would be just able to make Worcester, where you would find a friend among the four or five classmates living there, or if you were in a little better shape you might possibly make Springfield, where Dr. Gaylord could fix you up for the rest of the trip. Thence, you would travel to Hartford, where you could call on Principal Judd; visit the Hartford Seminary, presided over by President Barstow; take out a Travelers' Insurance Policy from Don Carlos; borrow a little money from Lew Partridge. You might even see Moseley visiting some broker's office. Continuing on down the line to New Haven, you might stop for a drink with Doc Carroll in Meriden and make New Haven in time for Caproni to put you up overnight.
Next day you would pass by Sarge Eaton's Swanky department store in Bridgeport, and on to New York, where it would take you a whole week to go through the rounds of the entertainment of that New York bunch. There's no use mentioning names—there are just too many of them. Meanwhile, you could be making your plans to get on West; probably you would decide to go via Albany, where Ed Poole and Sam Aronowitz would show you the State House, where the President of the United States used to hang out, and start you on the way to Rochester. Here Sid Backus would put you up on his farm in the suburb of Websterin this case "farm" meaning house and garden,—and Ken Knapp would fix you up with the traffic cops. Your next stop would be at Niagara Falls, where Jack Bartlett would show you where the brides and grooms go. He would tell you that the trouble is the brides are always married; some day he hopes there will be one who isn't. On your way to Cleveland you would say "Hello" to Elt Norris at Chagrin Falls. He would be delighted to see you. Arriving in Cleveland there would be a number of men there who would take pity on a tired traveler—Biff Thompson, Bob Keeler, Dutch Irwin—any of them would use you right. Also, you ought to see Greenwood, tell him that I would like to be remembered to him, since I can't reach him by direct mail.
Of course there are various routes out of Cleveland, but probably the best one would be to swing down to Marion, where Bull Roberts would give you a key to the town. He owns the place, you know. He would direct you to Troy, where the Mc- Connell family—Glen—would welcome you for the night or probably as long as you would care to stay in the place.
Skip Indiana and go to Chicago, and what that Chicago bunch won't do for you! Don't expect to get away in less than a week. There are ministers, brokers, lawyers, engineers, dittoers, and all sorts of other professional entertainers. There are even bankers to negotiate loans for you. Of course Ed Keeler and George Leach, as former class officers, would just have to open their hearths to you. Finally you start for lowa, but if by this time you feel you are going to have a baby, stop in Rockford and Dr. Tindall will fix you up fine. But as for lowa, there is just one town in that state worth a nickel and that is Cap Hedges' Cedar Rapids. Since he is president of the class and owns all of the real estate in town he just can't refuse—so go the limit. Also, perhaps he will introduce you to Al Nutt. Take one last drink of "corn" here, for there is a long jump ahead no matter how you go.
Troy Parker has talked so much about Palmer Gulch, the home of the giant firecrackers, that perhaps you might head that way up into South Dakota to a place called Hill City, where they have real Indians and Bad Lands. Well, it's sort of hard to plan from here. Troy can give you directions, however, since he semiannually treks back and forth between Hill City and the Pacific Coast. Perhaps you will wish you had gone further south, heading toward Colorado via St. Louis and Kansas City. Charlie Stebbins will crown your bottle for you, and Dutch Uline will help empty it, and finally Fred Long will give you his blessing and wish you Godspeed to the tender care of Rick Castle in Denver and Russ Kimball in Colorado Springs. Russ drove me to the top of a mountain once and Rick to a hospital; undoubtedly they'll do the same for you,
Well, it's a long hop to the Coast, so you had better get going. At San Francisco Ray and Cora Taylor will invite you to their ranch at Palo Alto, where they give barbecues for the Rocky Mountain alumni. Art Gray, the ex-corsettiere, now selling "undies" and things, will treat any 191 ler right, and you can look up Bill McGlynn and let him equip you with a set of new tires. Maybe Father Forbes will show you over his monastery too. Perhaps while you are there, you will want to travel north into Oregon and see if you can find Holdman Star Route and find out if Coke Holdman is yet over Reunion, and whether he has worn out Jake Lovejoy's red and blue footwear. He probably won't put you up, so bum on Tommy Atkins in Portland— he'll be glad to see you, anyhow. Then if you are still ambitious, go nearer to the Arctic Circle and locate the two Peases up near Mount Rainier.
However, you probably will have gone south instead of north, for you would want to see Hollywood. Well, there are a number of good guys near-by. Of course Al Wheeler had to sleep on the beach when he was there, but that was different. By this time you may need a new hanky or something, so drop in at Pasadena—there's a haberdashery there run by Neal Hotaling. Santa Monica must be somewhere near-by; this place houses Perce Deshon, and he is just itching to talk to some 1911 guy and show him his two grown-up sons, who, by the way, are good Phi Gams from the University of California. Commander Odlin would insist upon your drinking to the health of his seven-months-old daughter, Mary Judith.
Then of course there is Los Angeles itself. Jerry Barnes hasn't quite finished the piazza on his house yet up at the end of some valley, for he hasn't sent me a picture of it. He would swap a room and board for a few hours' work a day and give you a good time in addition. He raises raisins, I believe. Walt Gibson will fix up your income tax for you—just phone Lybrand, Ross Bros. & Montgomery Company, Los Angeles. Hal Whitcomb will donate a Casualty Insurance policy and start you on your way home.
Some time maybe I'll draw up an itinerary for you to follow on the way East, so that you may avoid those who aided you on your way West. It probably will be safer to go by the southern route and pick on a different gang. Meanwhile, if any would-be hosts have been omitted, write in, and I will fix it up so you won't miss any wandering brothers that may be going your way.
Secretary, Hanover, N. H.
