1897
This issue of the ALUMNI MAGAZINE has arranged a new program of questions and answers so as to bring out from classmates certain facts hard to obtain. The questions are asked by the secretary of the class who in the same issue answers the questions in the meticulous manner in which the questions demand. The classmate who has previously suffered from writer's cramp then has a chance to correct or deny any of the answers in a later issue of the MAGAZINE. The first trial of questions and answers is addressed to Eddie Carr. As these questions bring to public notice the business methods of B. A. Rowe, 8.A., in sale of Plymouth Rock Pants, B. A. Rowe, 8.A., is given the same rights of answer insofar as relates to facts. This column will not accept any statement that appears to be of an advertising nature. The picture of the room of B. A. Rowe, 8.A., is presented herewith as news and further to give Eddie a chance to make a statement about the reason for purchase of pants of the well-known make. Questions addressed to Eddie Carr, B.A., LL.B.:
Q. Did or did you not buy a pair of Plymouth Rock pants from Rowe Bros, or from B. A. Rowe, B.A. ? A. I bought the pants from B. A. Rowe, B.A. Q. Did the subtle advertising of said B. A. Rowe, B.A. and others as shown in exhibit A. (Picture herewith) influence you against your better judgment? A. Exhibit A shows in part a sofa pillow advertising Plymouth Rock pants which did influence. Q. Did you tear the pants on the barbed wire fence when the Vermont farmer shot at you, "Poddy", "Joe" and others not named, herein, while you were attempting to steal said farmer's turkeys, or were you hit in the pants with a charge of rock salt? A. My best judgment is that the two difficulties happened to the Plymouth Rock pants simultaneously with serious results to said pants and humiliating to me._ Q. Did _ you declare excess profits in the furniture business when you closed out with a triple sale of a certain article, viz. to wit one chair, none too rugged? A. No, positively, no. This was in an era of our Nation's history prior to the writings known as "My Day," and in that golden age profits were recognized as legitimate and not something to be set apart for the use of politicians and the scheming members of their families. The triple sale was not "New Deal" stuff in any way. The matter was referred to the trustees of the college.
Q. Did you have knowledge of the theft of the nut from the rear-off wheel of the hearse, when you and others stole said hearse in the fall of 1896? And does this knowledge which you have still, place the nut in possession of an ex-trustee of Dartmouth College? A. I do have such knowledge but as I have accepted a substantial retainer I cannot expose my client. I may be obliged to ask for additional fees if the investigation becomes more entangling. Q. Have you since college days stolen any turkeys by use of a cross-arm on a long pole, the arm being heated with lantern under a horse blanket, the warm arm being to tempt the bird roosting on a cold limb? A. My life work as a commissioner of the Court has given me better opportunities than trifling with barn yard fowl and I assure you I have done very well. Q. Have you been shot at with rock salt since college days ? A. One of my clients is a manufacturer of sodium chloride products and I must refuse, as is my privilege, to answer this or any other questions about any of the salts.
Q. Did you know that Bill Ham, 8.5., C.E., while surveying and locating in latitude and longitude boundary stones on the State line between Mass. and R. I. found one of your neighbors selling liquor with no license from a bar room located in a building astride said state line rolling the barrels from State to State as pressure required? A. It has been reported to me rather indirectly that Bill Ham, 8.5., C.E., did have some inter-state interests. Q. Do you condone such acts by your neighbor? A. I condone not but I can see the advantage of such a location. If Bill Ham, 8.5., C.E., still maintains his interest I would like to accept a retainer from him and support his efforts. Q. It is alleged that you have known for a long time that Bill Ham, 8.5., C.E., on a dark and stormy night with great daring did save a neighbor of yours from drowning in the Narragansett Bay near your house, the heroic act being at risk of life and limb. It is alleged that with your full knowledge of this brave act that you have done nothing to procure for him a medal of honor as a life saver. It is further alleged that another neighbor of yours, a policeman, tried to induce said Bill Ham, 8.5., C.E., to return said helpless, half-drunk, half-drowned man to the water, saying that he, said Cop, had tried to get him drowned for twenty years; and further stating that some damn fool always was pulling him out. What have you to say to these allegations? A. My answer is that my neighbor was taken from the water as alleged and that the policeman did use indiscreet language. I am happy to say that even after these long years the only question that is still unsettled is whether a man of my neighbor's known capacity could have been half drunk, as is admitted and in that condition with so much alcohol as to make him half drunk, could sink in the salt water of Narragansett Bay. I hope for favorable action in behalf of my client, Bill Ham, 8.5., C.E. Q. 'Tis said, a lawyer must first get on—then get honor then get honest. Please name your status. A. This is an old saying. The law as I know it leads to no such ends.
The class secretary is in receipt of the following communication, dated March 2, 1948:
"DEAR SIR: Advance proofs of a scurrilous article which you have prepared and propose to publish in the next number of the ALUMNI MAGAZINE have come to my attention through the kindness of my friends on P.M. I, at first, thought that I would ignore it, but, on reflection, I consider the charges so scandalous and unfounded that an answer from me is imperative.
"I shall consider at this time only three of your stabs which hurt me most. Answering at this time your first interrogatory (a favorite form of innuendo of screed publishers), let me say that I did buy a pair of pants from B. A. Rowe. Said pants were bought on a deferred payment plan by the terms of which I was to pay for the pants_ at their fair cash value when I had done wearing them, less depreciation. That is why Rowe is still squawking about what I owe him. The fact is that it was too much for Rowe to compute the ad- justed value. He later repossessed the Plymouth Rock.
"As to the second interrogatory, all the fellows are well aware that in the Fall of 1896, I was a simple, innocent-minded little boy with little awareness of the wickedness of my sophisticated urban classmates. That fall, Bob Sisk, Joe Ryan,John Meserve and Pod Parker, whom I came to know as some of the most vicious men in the college, led by you (whom I afterward learned was under a deferred sentence for similar crimes), asked me to accompany them to a prayer meeting that Pod was to lead down the Lebanon Road. I was eager to join in such a praiseworthy service. We had gone but a little while when I learned of the nefarious object of the hike, but it was too late. The farmer's shot may not have been heard around Lebanon, but it was felt around Rowe's pants draping my now quivering legs. I finished first on the run home. Nine-eighths of the depreciation aforesaid had already accrued.
"I shall conclude my answer, for the time being, by a general traverse that I participated in the theft of the village hearse. The fact is that the night of this proposed action I was walking across the campus, returning from a roulette game at Sport Morse's, operated in the cocktail lounge of his apartment at the Sweat Manor. Suddenly, I saw this dark forbidding outline of what I thought was a chariot being drawn by a number of charioteers toward the middle of the campus. My first thought was of treacherous Sport—his licker was playing tricks on me. I kept on and "Before my God, I might not this believe without the sensible and true avouch of mine own eyes," the charioteers were unhinging the chariot. One by one, from each corner was removed the rotary supports and carefully, aye, even reverently, as my bedimmed eyes looked on, they placed it on the waiting pedestals. I still continued on. "Angels and Ministers of Grace defend me." My chariot was the village hearse and the charioteers the gravediggers, none of whom I now recall except Hiram (who held in his hand one of the nuts from one of the wheels). The black bare coffin within bore this simple inscription: "Our Baseball Team."
"The next morning I promptly reported to the Dean's office what I had witnessed. I know my sense of duty was appreciated there, for in a few days I was moved from the second to the first division in the course, "Evidence of Christianity." I figured this was a boost, but I was never sure of the direction. Let the John Kierans give the play, act and scene of the quotations ana person who uttered the lines from memory and without consulting their trots. I expect the large number will team up with Lulu McConnell.
Indignantly yours, EDDIE CARR."
SOMETHING FOR THE SCRAPBOOK: Demonstrat- ing early high-pressure advertising by using bells instead of singing commercials, we see Rowe '96, Wilder '99, and Rowe '97 modeling Plymouth Rock Pants in the Old Bell Room, one story up from Bedbug Alley (Old Dartmouth Hall). Note: Pants worn English style without press.
Secretary, 886 Main St., Bridgeport 3, Conn. Treasurer, 53 State St., Boston 9, Mass. Class Agent, 862 Park Sq. Bldg., Boston, Mass.
