The Bard, Papa, and the Juice

It was one of those introductory lectures that occurs on the first day of a term. Professor David Kastan of the English Department was talking about the invidious notion that William Shakespeare did not write the plays commonly attributed to him.

"To say that Shakespeare didn't write Shakespeare's plays," Kastan said, "is like saying that O. J. Simpson wrote The OldMan and the Sea." The comment brought a lot of laughs and, apparently, a look of amazement from a Simpson fan in the back row. Kastan noticed a jaw dropping and said to the student, "I hope I haven't ruined your childhood illusions."

The last laugh was on Kastan. Less than a week later a white envelope from the Buffalo Bills office was in Kastan's mail slot. Inside was a large autographed picture of Buffalo's greatest natural resource and a note: "It wasn't The Old Man andthe Sea; it was The Snows of Kilimanjaro. Best wishes, O. J. Simpson."

"Animal magnetism," demonstrated here by deflection of compass needle toward basaltturtle's snout, may have explained turtle s navigational ability to Olmec seafarers.