Maladies

As this is an undergraduate issue, we will now set the proposition that all colleges have certain conditions and situations inherent in their beings which sometimes bring forth a cure and sometimes bring forth a malady. While we grant that these must be almost universal,: we think it worthwhile, for the edification of any of you who have not visited Hanover lately, and to refresh the memory of those of you who have, to list a few of these maladies which will certainly be encountered in a stay here.

Bidlsessionitis—This curious disease comes in the form of a mild hysteria at the beginning of freshman year and remains with the victim to a greater or less degree throughout his career. At first it is characterized by a vigorous working of the mouth and jaws, emitting something which looks like freshly steamed steam. In the secondary stage it is characterized by a vigorous working of the mouth and jaws, emitting something which looks like steam which has been in a radiator a little too long.

Nuggetonia—This strange affliction is to be perceived only in the little white building round which cling so many glamorous memories, mamma. It is also notable that it can be entirely separated into stages. The first (or freshman) stage is the worst and most violent. Upon entering one may immediately see many of the subjects standing with wild looks in their eyes and raining peanuts, applecores, and whatever else happens into their frenzied reach upon another group similarly occupied, the exchange of ammunition often resulting in a wide and impartial distribution over a far less interested area. Nor is this all-—after once the performance has gotten under way and they have settled back vociferously to chaw the ammunition they have managed to retrieve from the floor about them (for peanuts lose no food value for having taken a pal full in the ear), they think to add to the hilarity and fun by contributing extra dialogue, six per cent of which is intelligible, and one-tenth of which is worthy of being uttered. Stage two (sophomore stage). This is characterized by daily attendance; by a loud and unnecessary relation of resulting overcuts, flunked papers, unreturned quizzes; and by a perpetual belligerence toward those afflicted in Stage One. The third (or Junior) stage can be recognized immediately by the truculence with which it demands that the demented Stage Oners "Shut Uppppp!!" "Air," "No Air!", "Movie!", and other imprecations against anything which a feverish brain can set upon. However, it is easily seen that their position is assured by the rationality of their requests. Stage Four is the most composed of the lot. It enters and slouches into a seat, almost implicit in its attitude that four years had taught him to come and rest and sleep, and not to expect to hear anything. It is always characterized by a book under its arm and a determined expression on its face to vindicate the presence of the book.

Snakeomania—This dread epidemic sets in only around prom time. It can always be recognized from afar by a certain sprucing and ostentatious brushing of the clothes and then by a cold and purposeful glitter as the victim steps to the dance floor and claims some girl—any girl—not his own. Though of fairly widespread occurrence, its appearance is most often marked in Stags, as they are not too facetiously called. It is of virulent and persistent appearance, and the onslaught of the germ, and particularly of those affected by the germ, must be vigilantly guarded against.