Freshman Foibles
I AM TOLD that long before the Amazon River reaches the ocean, one cannot see the shores on either side of the channel, although it is still a river. A boy entering as a freshman in college is somewhat like this river since he is still a boy but will shortly become a man. This changing life is a problem to the boy, to society and to the college. It is during this inescapable adjustment that the official college becomes acquainted with these freshmen. Therefore, there are bound to be some naive, funny and earnest statements made during the course of their orientation.
Many years ago an earnest freshman stepped up to the counter in the Treasurer's office to pay his first bilf for tuition. He wrote his check and then, hoiding on to it, looked up at me, scowling, and said, "Just what is this Dartmouth College?" I felt like scowling back at him and saying, "I don't know, Bud. It has been in existence only some 150 years." What I did tell him it was that it was a corporation sired by Royal Charter and governed by a Board of Trustees, who in turn delegated certain authority to various persons. I assumed he knew it was an educational institution. If he had been the only one in line, it would have been nice to have learned from him just what he had in mind.
There was another young man who wanted a double bed in his room. This luxury is not permitted by our Superintendent of Buildings and Grounds, and he was so informed. He was back in no time with reinforcements—his mother, to be exact. She informed us that she would take her son out of Dartmouth before she would let him sleep in a single bed, since he had always slept in a double bed. We were obdurate on the matter. She did withdraw him from college with the remark (which, I guess, was supposed to throw some sort of a blight on the College forever) that she would send him to Harvard where she knew they would allow him to have a double bed.
Another boy wrote a check for his first semester's tuition bill, taking a lot of time and dating it December 21. The time of year, of course, was September. When we called his attention to the fact that he had post-dated the check, his reply was, "Well, this is my first check, and December 21 is my birthday, and I wanted to celebrate it."
The freshman who wrote lots of checks on the local bank, in which he did not have an account, was very much surprised when the local police caught up with him. Since he had plenty of money in a bank, he had supposed he could write checks on any bank and somehow his bank would be notified.
Perhaps the one that caused the most hilarity in the Bursar's Office was the boy who handed in his check and then immediately rushed back to the window, asking if he could have his check back again. He had forgotten to put the "d" in "College". The girl at the window was considerate and told him not to mind, it would go through the bank all right without the "d" in "College".
We get all kinds of requests on the application blanks for dormitory rooms. We are asked to make prospective roommates Democrats, tuba players, pre-medics, as well as sober and industrious. One freshman asked for a "blind roommate," meaning one assigned by our office rather than one of his own choice.
These are just a few chips from the block, and they go back through the years. But the freshmen are getting better all the time, and "boners" are becoming fewer. The change from the river to the ocean is becoming less noticeable.
Assistant Bursar
