The Shared Life
THE GROUP HOUSE HANDBOOK edited by Nancy Brandwein, Jill MacNeice, and Peter Spiers TU'84 Acropolis Books, 1982. 254 pp. $6.95, paper
The group house is a new-old phenomenon on the American scene. The sharing of expenses and space by unrelated people in a cooperative arrangement under one roof was a familiar arrangement in medieval and post-medieval Europe, especially in times of economic stress. The present handbook is essentially a how-to for 1980's people of all ages who can't afford, at present-day prices, the kind of housing they'd like on their own. It is not a guide to forming sixties-style communes. It is not for Utopians who want to found the ideal community. But for "ordinary folk" singles, couples, and families with children it is an extraordinarily sensible and sensitive guide to achieving a quality lifestyle through cooperation in highly specific ways with carefully chosen strangers who have roughly the same cultural prefer- ences as you do.
In some ways it is not unlike a how-to- be-happy-though-married manual: There is finding the right housemates (take a lot of time on this one, the authors advise). There is the cultivation of good communication for decision-making, for compromise, for conflict resolution. There is reaching an agreement on the division of labor (shopping, cooking, dishes, housecleaning, repair, accounts). Since most houses include both men and women, platonic relations with all but spouses or longterm POSSLQ's (Partners of the Op- posite Sex Sharing Living Quarters) is recommended. For some singles as for some couples, group living is a transitional stage of life; for others it is a permanent lifeway. Sage advice is available on how to get a "divorce" from an objectionable housemate.
One delightful feature of the handbook is a chapter for senior citizens. As an alternative to living alone as a widow in a house one can no longer afford or moving to a nursing home, the group house becomes a very attractive option. I predict many seniors will read this book avidly.
The tone of the book is humorous and down-to-earth. It is aimed at the average, well-adjusted John and Mary Smith with aching pocketbooks. It is for the lonely too, but not for the very lonely. The authors point out that you have to enjoy your own company before you can be good company for others, and group housing cannot serve as therapy for neurotics. Any group house that tried would quickly fall apart. Appendices list roommates referral services, directories of organizations helping senior citizens with shared arrangements, and a bibliography on the shared life.
The handbook is an enormous affirmation of basic American friendliness and ingenuity, well salted with humor. People do have enough social skills and care about each other enough to make group living workable and fun in our society. A quarter of all households in the United States are now made up of unrelated people. They are not all group houses, but many are. Marriages grow out of group houses, and group houses grow into marriages. Families and group houses are mutually sus- raining, and this handbook helps make visible the kind of human interaction which make both work well.
Elise Boulding is professor of sociology at theCollege and chairs the department.
