Audacious Questions
When I heard that there were no black women living in my freshman dorm, I felt cheated. I had expected to meet different kinds of people in college. One of the easiest ways, obviously, is where you live. But the kids in my dorm were almost all white and upper middle class.
Only in the past year or so have I gotten to know some black students. And even that was more on the acquaintance level than anything else. It was when I had the opportunity to interview some people for this column that I started learning the backgrounds of a few of the black students I know. Still, I felt at a loss to describe my attitudes toward race. It was time to interview myself.
Laurie, when were you first conscious of race? I don't remember. Have you ever had any blackfriends? Not before Dartmouth. Now I have a few. Most of these are acquaintances.
Why only acquaintances? Until recently, I hadn't had many common experiences with blacks not in my high school, neighborhood, or dorm. The black people I met in classes I didn't know well enough to know whether we shared common interests. I know that's circular, but that's the way it was. Unless I am conducting an interview I don't usually ask personal questions of near strangers. I'm very curious, but I don't want people to think I am talking to them just because they have a characteristic like being black, rich, famous, or handicapped that I don't have. Who wants to feel awkward or make other people uncomfortable? Not me.
What do you perceive about race relations at Dartmouth? I know there have been problems. A year ago a black woman wrote to The Dartmouth that she was happier returning to the South, where people called her "nigger" to her face, than staying at Dartmouth, where racism is covered up. I've seen signs, though, that blacks and whites are making friends and that individuals are making efforts to deal with the problem.
As an example, President McLaughlin attended a picnic at the Afro-Am last fall. It was a picnic held for undergraduate advisors (86 out of 90 of whom are white) so that they could get acquainted with black upperclassmen serving as big brothers and sisters to black freshmen. Also, a large crowd showed up last quarter for an all-campus dance at the predominantly white chapter of Beta Theta Pi fraternity, sponsored by it and the local all-black chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity and the Interracial Concerns Committee (ICC). And over this year's Green Key weekend, Beta brought up 10 black break dancers from New York and threw an all-campus party with the Afro-Am.
On the other hand, a weekend workshop on racism attracted only six students - though 20 had signed for it. (I went to that workshop, by the way. I was tired of sympathizing with a friend in charge of the ICC about the lack of committed students but not doing anything myself.) Most students seem uninterested in the formally political aspects of social problems but will attend interracial social events that occur on frat row.
How do you feel about race relationsat Dartmouth? I've felt uncomfortable about trying to meet blacks. I know there is a certain tension between the black and white communities. I certainly haven't wanted to add to the tension, but I never took much initiative to ease it. I suppose that made me part of the problem. The thing is, I don't think you can meet a group; you have to meet individuals. Even that can be hard. As a freshman, for example, I realized that blacks and whites tended to sit separately at Thayer Dining Hall. But what was I going to do about it? Sit down at a table full of black students who probably all knew one another? That's not something I would do unless I already knew someone there or someone introduced me. I would feel insincere about why I was there.
So what has happened? What haveyou learned? I still don't have any close black female friends, though I do have some who are male. The day before the racism workshop, I finally discussed race with two black friends. Nothing dramatic happened — all I did was mention that I was going to the workshop. They took it from there and said something about being black. I'm not sure why I hesitated for so long. I suppose I refrained because it is considered rude in our culture to ask personal questions until you know someone well. Nobody ever said how you get to know someone well, though, if you don't share your thoughts. I guess rules of etiquette are often based on the premise that you associate only with your own "kind."
Not too long ago, I read about a man who sat beside a paraplegic woman at a dinner party and asked her how she got that way. The woman seated on the other side of him gasped, he said, at his audacity. The injured woman, however, was actually pleased. She said she rarely got a chance to talk about her accident, make jokes about her condition, or let people know how they can feel more comfortable around her. Now that I too have asked the audacious question of black administrators, professors and students - What is it like being black in this community? - I have gained insight into something I haven't experienced. I know, too, which of these people I have an affinity for, and I'll probably get to know them better. Since nobody gasped when I asked my question, maybe I won't act as shy as I used to when I didn't have the excuse of notepad and pen.
