1984

Welcome to the innovative column of the class of 1984. How's that? Innovative? Allow me to explain. Your secretary feels a keen pressure monthly. Whom should I include in my column? "That's simple," you reply; "write about everyone who writes to yon." If this were the case, the column would have ended some lines ago. No, I needed a fair way to decide who should be included each month. The answer came to me recently. I was watching "Wheel of Fortune," when a commercial for some vacation resort in the Poconos came on the tube. Suddenly, it hit me! Wham! Time-sharing. That's right, just like the big time, this column is going co-op. Since you're all special friends, I can make you a great offer. If you act now, you can own a small portion of this column for one month every year to do with as you like. For more information, and a free prospectus, send me a stamped, unaddressed envelope stuffed with money.

As I write this column, it's deep winter, and deep winter makes me think of one thing nuclear winter. A horrible thing? According to several recent television shows it would be pretty bad. But I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that there must be another side to the story. There must be a silver lining in the mushroom cloud. What is it? In tonight's column, we'll examine some of the potential benefits of a nuclear winter. Now, I'm not suggesting that a nuclear winter would be a picnic; in fact, there would probably be few picnics at all. However, some benefits deserve to be mentioned. For example, if you watch a lot of television, as I do, you'll realize that most shows begin new seasons in the winter. The implication is startling. In a nuclear winter, there would be no more reruns. Fonzie, and others who live in the netherworld of repeat television, would be forever banished. What? You need more convincing? Well, give me a few paragraphs to think about it. In the meantime, some halftruths.

I got a letter from one of you recently, but the shock was so great, I passed out.

1 Cindy Court Melville, NY 11747