1989

SHANTI'S ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN AND DIRT FOR THE MERELY CURIOUS

Dear Shanti: When I say my tootsies itch to trip the light fantastic, most men think I mean I've got athlete's foot. Is there a Fred to my Ginger, a Captain to my Tennille? Shanti, give me advice or I'll go insamba.Hot to Foxtrot

Dear Trot: Have I got a lead for you. He claims he's studying Latin American economics, but Collis Miniversity Ballroom grad Tom Skilton is dancing up a storm in Buenos Aires. But the King of Conga will be busy with law school after he returns to the States in July. So hurry south, you hopeful hoofer—your dancin' days are rhumba'd.

Dear Shanti: My pet camel likes to lie on his back with his legs in the air. Does that mean he's going to molt?— Animal Lover

Dear Animal: No. It means he's going to die. And you know what that means? I didn't, so I called in my roving camel consultant, Jamie Kershaw. Says Jamie from his post in Jordan, "Dead camels smell extremely bad. Oh so bad, so very bad." Jamie likens the sensation to that of contracting food poisoning in a Thai-Filipino restaurant/track stop. And he knows. Oh, how he knows.

Dear Shanti: I'm thinking of booking a Hopkins Center gig. How low-cut should Lola's dress be? Barry Manilow

Dear Bar: Your biggest 'B9 fans have flown the coop—Kara Benson is at Debevoise & Plimpton in Washington, D.C., sharing an office with Tom Shakeshaft. Kara frequents piano bars and requests your songs, but it ain't the same. And super-fan Anne Gazzaniga is working for "Bill Silva Presents" concert promotions in San Diego. She goes to concerts for free and cleans the xerox machine. Maybe we'll book you for our sth Reunion, Bar, but don't hold your breath.

Dear Shanti: I teach at The Mountain School in Vershire, Vt. I exercise regularly, eat right, and try to convince people to recycle and conserve energy. I knit heavy wool socks and hug trees. Bucolic-to-the-max. Am I the only '89 who doesn't have "Law School" tattooed across her forehead? Kristen Dillon

Dear Kris: Nope. Katie Shubert works for an air-pollution consulting company in Lakewood, Colo. Kim Hall, Tod Heesch, and Phil Resor are nearby in Gunnison, Colo. My clairvoyance tells me that they found the "ski-bum" jobs they were looking for earlier this season. Kim is learning how to split wood under the tutelage of "PulpmN" Phil, and the trio's two dogs are happy and frolicking.

However, tattoo or no, Victoria Huber is whooping it up at University of Virginia Law School, where she sees her beau a great deal and tunes in religiously to "Star Trek II: The Next Generation." Andy Klein, presently working in Paris, intends to study in Israel before responding to the draw of the law. But, all you political hopefuls, there are alternatives—Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan (D-N.Y.) has hired our own Seth Rosenthal as a research assistant.

Dear Shanti: Who are you really?— Nosy Dear Nosy: I am your wildest dream and your worst nightmare. I am a will-o'-thewisp and the cream filling in Hostess Twinkies. However, I will let you in on some news from my close friend, Carrie Luft. Carrie's short play "Free the Frogs" is being produced in Actors Theatre of Louisville's Winter Showcase. Any character resemblance to Dartmouth '89s is purely intentional.

Dear Readers: Do you have life-in-limbo hints to share with Shanti? Seventeen weird-n-funky ways to fix Spaghetti-O's? How to survive on negative income? Record-breaking laundry procrastination? Well, your chance for fame and fortune (figurative) is here. Send me your survival tips, and the most unique will be highlighted in each monthly Class Notes column.

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