1980

Tales From the Crypt, Volume XIII, Chapter 5. Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard: The package arrived inauspiciously enough—plain brown paper wrapping, no return address. I heard no ticking sounds, so I tore it open. Inside was a stack of parchment covered with various etchings, scratches and stick figures the likes of which I hadn't seen since Clan of The Cave Bear first came out. Was this Sanskrit? Was someone practicing to bring back to life a dead language? No it was just a letter from Dr. Mike Lynch. And thanks to Mike, there's plenty of grist for the mill this month. The only problem is that his handwriting is worse than Venus de Milo's. After enlisting the help of Dr. Indiana Jones, Evelyn Wood, and a copy of the Rosetta Stone, I deduced the following.

Make way for ducklings: Mike and his wife, Jeanne, are now living in Fairfield, Conn., and are tie proud parents of Hayley, who was born November IS. After a baker's dozen years keeping one step ahead of the rent collector, Lynchmob has finally settled down. Since graduation Mike's peregrinations have been enough to make Charles Kuralt homesick: four houses in four years at Dartmouth Medical School, two years of general surgical training at New England Deaconess, several years of orthopaedic training at Massachusetts General, a year of pediatric orthopaedics at Boston Children's, a year of specialized sports medicine in Baltimore, and six months as an orthopaedic registrar in New Zealand before settling in at Norwalk Hospital just miles from where he grew up. This man has traveled more that Moses Malone. He once was a poster child for U-Haul. When you ask Mike "What's up, Doc?" he's likely to respond, "my lease."

It's not just a job—it's a job title, etc.: Congratulations to Bob Silverman who was sworn in last September as the assistant secretary of the army for manpower and reserve affairs in a ceremony hosted by the Honorable Dick Cheney, then secretary of Defense. Bob previously served as the principal deputy assistant secretary of Defense for force management and personnel. Of course if President Clinton likes the cut of Bob's jib, he might receive his third appointment in as many administrations. By now he'll need a front-end loader to lift his resume. Prior to entering government service, Bob was an executive with the Ogden Corporation. Were they involved in any of the recent scandals? I just don't understand how anyone could charge $900 for a hammer. Well, as Dolly Parton once said, "You'd be surprised how much it costs to look cheap."

Once is not enough: Lisa Shanahan, who recently earned some copy in "Babes in Toyland," is in the news again. As if she weren't busy enough with baby Meg tearing around chezelle, Lisa just signed on as a vice president with the Northern Trust. Having been with a law firm for eight years, she might find life a little different at the venerable Chicago bank. Why the change? It's like when Willie Sutton was asked why he robbed banks. "'Cause that's where the money is."

Let's doff our caps and have a moment of silence for John G. Kemeny who died of a heart attack on December 26. We should never forget his "Vimen und men of Dartmooth" openings at convocation. And cider and doughnuts will never be the same.

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