Field-Tested Tips for Handling an Angry Gorilla

For two months earlier this year Aliette Frank '00 assisted anthropology professor Michele Goldsmith in researching mountain gorillas and chimpanzees in the Bwindi Impenetrable National Forest in Uganda. Because Frank was charged at least once a day by a gorilla, and she came back to campus alive, her survival tips are known to work most of the time. She offers this disclaimer: "Primate protocol is site and habit-uator-specific. Therefore, these observations should not be considered applicable for contact with all groups of gorillas." On the other hand, these rules probably work at fraternity parties.

1) Burp, cough, and chew loudly. Gorillas are avid vocalists. By imitating sounds and hand motions, the presence of the not-so-hairy is less threatening.

2) Beware of macho men. Most gorilla groups contain only one dominant male, but testosterone is high among groups with more than one silverback. Similarly, lone males and adults with infants exhibit more aggressive behavior.

3) Don't play Tarzan, play it mellow. No chestbeating or running away, and never look a gorilla straight in the eye or make aggressive advances (physical or verbal). Neither the fight nor the flight response is evolutionarily advantageous

4) Hope for the odds. They favor you. Gorillas are docile by nature, and most of their charges are bluffs. Further, unlike chimpanzees, gorillas are not carnivores. The majority of their time is spent eating garden-buffet style.

5) Hold your ground, not your breath. Although the adrenaline maybe flowing, and the tendency to hyperventilate is high, remaining calm and confident is imperative. As with other animals, an outward expression of fear does not calm nerves on either side. Remaining firm and in control subdues the gorilla's confidence in its power of aggression.