How to Avoid Being Taken to the Cleaners by Your Ex

BEVERLY HILLS LAWYER

RULE I: Pick the right spouse. Run him or her by your family, friends, therapist or clergy. Don't think that living together makes a difference: I've known couples who lived together 11 years and split up six months after marrying.

RULE 2: Get counseling first. Personally I believe it should be harder to get married and easier to get divorced. Before you get married, pick a therapist and discuss the differences and expectations you have between sex, money and all other hair-trigger issues.

RULE 3; Be aware of finances. Even if your spouse handles all the money matters, don't stick your head in the sand. Know your assets and liabilities. Do financial planning and estate planning together, with a financial advisor and lawyer. Don't wait for your spouse to leave or drop dead. I've known people who, when their spouse died, were worth $40 million and didn't have a clue where anything was.

RULE 4: If you head to splitsville, choose the right lawyer. Don't pick a scorched-earth litigator. Pick someone who'll help you work something out. The reason: Unreasonable positions (it happens—"I want 100 percent of the community property and 100 percent of her income") are way too costly. Raising stakes like that taxes you emotionally, sets up the ex for going nuclear and makes the judge very angry.

RULE 5: Think about your kids. No matter how angry you are, even justifiably, an all-out battle inflicts wounds that can never heal. Consult with a child-custody expert to determine what to tell the kids, how and when.

Stacy Phillips

Phillips is a founding and managing partner atPhillips, Lemer & Lanzor in Century City, California. In 1998 she represented actor Jean ClaudeVan Damme's former spouse, Darcy La Pier, intheir divorce proceedings, winning $112,000 amonth in support for La Pier and the couple's son,the highest such award in the country. Phillips majored in history and religion.