WHAT THE OLD-TIMER SAID: TO THE FELLER FROM DOWN-COUNTRY AND EVEN TO HIS NEIGHBOR—WHEN HE HAD IT COMING

By Allen R. Foley '20 (Professor ofAmerican History, Emeritus). Illustratedby John Devaney. Brattleboro, Vt.: TheStephen Greene Press, 1971. With photograph of the author on back cover byBob Keene '30. Paperback. 80 pp. $1,95

At a fork in the road with signs pointing in both directions to White River Junction Walter Piston, the Harvard composer, asks an old-timer, "Does it make any difference which road I take to White River?" Old- timer: "Not to me, it don't."

Tourist to a Farmer and his Hired Hand: "Right road to Jericho?" "Yep," replies the Farmer. Later. Hired Hand: "You didn't tell him the bridge was out." Farmer: "He didn't ask."

New Jersey tourist patronizingly to Royalton citizen: "Have you lived here all your life? Citizen: "Not yet."

Norwich customer at Dan and Whit's store, Norwich, after giving a long telephone order to Whit: "Mr. Hicks, are you still there? I don't hear anything." Whit: "Yep. 1 write quiet."

Over the Waterbury State Hospital grounds a passing bird dropped a calling card on the bald head of a patient. The nurse, concerned about his emotional balance, told him not to worry. "Just stay right here. I'll fetch some toilet paper from the building." Patient to another patient: "Ain't she a damn fool! That bird'll be a quarter of a mile away 'fore she gets back."

Park Avenue Lady to Bennington fox- farm owner: "How many pelts do you get annually from each fox?" "Well," said the foxy farmer, "I'll tell you, ma'am—usually not more than two. If you skin 'em more than twice a year, it makes 'em damn nervous."

Burke storekeeper was asked if a popular item would be in stock before long. "Nope. "Why not?" "Moves too damn fast."

City dweller to Fairlee native: "I imagine you've seen a lot of changes in your lifetime." Native: "Sure have. And I've been agin every damn one of 'em."

St. Albans man in Texas: "What birds that?" Texan: "That is a bird of paradise "I'll be damned," says the Vermonter. "Long way from home, ain't he?"

Robert Frost has a date to go fishing with two Vermont friends, one named Ira Dow. Ira does not show up. First friend: "That Iree Dow, you know, he's as much slower than stock-still as stock-still is slower than greased lightning."

After riding his horse beyond Beaver Meadow, Fred Parker Emery '87 asks 2 native if he doesn't get lonely so far from the center of things. Native: "Mister, I'm exactly five miles from Norwich Village. I'm Exactly five miles from Strafford. I'm exactly 150 miles from Boston and 150 miles from Montreal. Don't see how a feller could be much nearer to the center of things."

Make it your blessed business to buy Foley's Vermont and find yourself damn close to the center of things.