1978
Real World, Act I, Scene 9:
Well, team, it's about a year now since that fateful day when we left the womb to join the real world. How well I remember that day of graduation and how sad I was — sad, indeed — that I had stayed up all night drinking and was sitting under the force of several megatons of solar energy, sweating bullets while my glands filled with bile. It's funny how much has changed since we last graced the Plain. We can now read about our school as often in Time Magazine as the ALUMNI MAGAZINE (although the Alumni Rag, particularly this column, remains far more accurate). In fact, I understand that they are going to remake the movie Winter Carnival and star Jane Fonda, Lynn Redgrave, and Michael Douglas. Additionally, the New Hampshire State Legislature has been threatening to raise the (legal) drinking age from 12 to 20, which will probably knock the Village Store out of the Fortune 500. However, it often seems that the more things change, the more they stay the same. This certainly seems to be true at Dartmouth, where they have regressed back to the moral code exercised by Cotton Mather, when he was president. Hence, I think I'll call this one, "It Ain't So Bad Being Out."
Take your tickets back from the usher (without tipping him, of course), wipe off the seat, take a sip from a cold one, and peer longingly at the hot corner vacated by Pete Rose. ...
Got some good words this month from two '78s who are not quite out yet. Mo"McMurphy" Gibbs has bounced back from dimension zero and will return to Dartmouth in the fall of 1979 for two more terms of the good thing on High Street. By the way, Mo told me that when I'm asked, "Is he sane?" I should reply, "never was." Also, Mike Chandler reported in from Tarheal Country this month. Mike, who left Dartmouth sometime between his freshman and senior year, is now in the construction management business with minors in no-nukism and African dance. He sends positive vibes concerning fellow '78s NoraMitchell and Beth Morrison, in Boston, and Mike Day, who he hopes to be joining soon in California. Keep up the capitalist game, Mike, you're doing fine.
Five youths are finding that it isn't that bad being out — especially out of the country. The Dartmouth chapter of the Filth & Corruption Society (Gar Waterman, Pete Renner, JackReeder, Whit Johnson, and Eric Englested) is currently in Europe, hoping to stay at least two cities ahead of Popeye Doyle and in line with the French Connection. This sounds like the last hurrah before the boys put Jack to sleep in June.
The wedding game is starting to hit close to home, as another good pal is tying the knot in August. Marty "Chugger" Cole will be married to Terri Taylor somewhere within a hundredmile radius of Hanover, making the wedding a legitimate attraction. Chugger just completed his first year at the Lyndon Johnson School of Public Affairs in Texas, where he is attempting to find some gringos to drink with. Chugger claims grad school is pretty tough, but we all remember that he was a Joan Smith major at Dartmouth. Good luck, Chugger!
A little later in the summer, the Duxbury Duke, Mike Pittenger, will marry his favorite nurse, Linda Lyle, in Rhode Island. Don't count on this being a real freewheeling time, however, since Pitt will have Bill Dexter collecting chips at the door of the reception hall.
I especially enjoy writing about the weddings of classmates I don't even know. For instance, Liz de Murga is going to take a brief sabbatical from her teaching duties at a boys reformatory in California to wed Mark Spradling in June. After a honeymoon in Emerald City (with Glenda, the nice witch of the West) this dream couple will reside close to Palo Alto, where Mark is finishing up law school. Another all-Dartmouth affair will feature Cathy Colligan and Greg Yates '76 in June. For those who are wondering, Cathy is now an assistant buyer for Abraham Strauss in the Big Apple, while Greg is a lineman for Bell Telephone in beautiful New Jersey. From Vermont, I have received word that Maryann Tetrault has finally consented to wed Bill Burke '77 in August. Maryann has just finished her first year at Sloan School, while Bill is on a training program with General Electric. Lucky Maryann, with Bill on the G.E. training program, she has home-cities like Schenectady, Utica, Cleveland, and Cincinnati to look forward to.
I've finally heard from the man that brought Elton John to Thayer, W. Scott Axford. Scott is now located in progressive Vermont, where he is working for New England Telephone. Nice work, Scott, from Ma Thayer to Ma Bell! Currently, Scott is working on the indestructable pay phone, to be placed in the vestibule at Sigma Nu. The piano man sends word that our illustrious leader Scott Brown has left on a cruise, searching for peace and truth before be- ing corrupted by law school this fall.
A recent letter from Douglas "Lumpy"Barham reminded me that one could, indeed, graduate from Dartmouth without being able to form complete sentences. After graduation, Lumpy went home and said, "you can take this job and shove it," so he is now back in school in Vancouver. Lumpy is quick to point out the key difference between his new and old school: a 59/41 female to male ratio. One thing is for sure, though, it is still 0/1 for Lumpy.
A few trickles of info are still coming out of the Beantown pipeline. Greg Melvin has completed his first year at Harvard Business School, and will spend the summer planting turf in front of Bones Gate with Howard Erdman. Also, I've heard that Jeff Garnett is busy burning up the fast track at First National Bank of Boston. In fact, the other day Jeffs boss said that if he kept up the good work, he would get him into a triple at Alpha Chi in the fall, 1981. Jeff has claimed responsibility for admitting the single biggest turkey in the appli- cant pool to the Class of 1983. Daniel "Hones"Maloney continues to extoll the virtues of matrimonial bliss. He and Dr. Libby '77 are doing just fine in Boston. He has corrected my false perceptions that Mike Glass has remained a pillar of decadence away from Dartmouth. I guess the famed Glassman has been cancelling trips to Boston so he can go over some torts with a fellow law student named Sandy. This is a deviation from the typical Glass modus operandi, as he used to stick exclusively to tellers from Dartmouth National Bank.
The cameras fade, the crescendo subsides, and the actors retire to their dressing rooms as Act I comes to a close. A year older and wiser — yes; a year more mature — I hope not; ten pounds heavier - how about it, Kevin Barber?; awareness of the opposite sex — greatly improved. What will Act II have in store? Greater thrills and more excitement as we go racing around the globe in search of '78s. Whether or not my contract is renewed for Act 11, I want you all to know that receiving your letters and class news just reinforces my satisfaction in being a part of Dartmouth. It is truly an everlasting experience. Hang tight, gang!
And a little nudge for 1977, too in case the memories have started to fade.
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