1976

The pressure is too much; I can't take it! My editor is hovering over me, threatening a severe beating if I don't comply with her wishes and produce copy. My Devo and Phil 'n the Blanks records lie strewn around the floor, mixed in with empty tonic and gin bottles. Frustrated by writer's block and emboldened by the Tanqueray coursing through my veins, I yell out, "But I didn't get any news, nobody wrote to me.!"

It's okay, I understand; just tike a certain hyper comedian I never did get any respect, anyway. Once when I was kidnapped, the kid- nappers cut off one of my fingers and sent it to my parents with a ransom note. My parents asked for more proof.

But wait, what's this? Just when it looked like everyone in the class was going into hiberna- tion, two news releases land on my desk! Oh, boy!

From the frozen north of Minnesota, where entrepreneur Rob Swenson throws a chaise longue into a canoe and advertises it as a house- boat, comes word that J. Randall White has been named product manager for new adult cereals in the "Big G" division of General Mills. Randy previously served as assistant product manager for potato products in the company's Golden Valley division, after an initial stint as a marketing assistant on Cheerios. If Randy can get me to give up my Count Chocula in favor of granola, bran, and Grape-Nuts, he'll be doing a heck of a job.

News also filters out of Princeton, N.J., to the effect that Sharon Ali is working in the per- sonal products area for a subsidiary of Johnson and Johnson.

King and Hope Stevens Poor just moved into new digs in Winnetka, 111. King is with the Illinois attorney general's office, concentrating on public utility and transportation rate regula- tion, while Hope works for Sara Lee Corpora- tion. King vehemently denies that the move from downtown to the 'burbs was prompted by Rob Tesar's appearance in the city. Rob is a floor manager at the Chicago Board of Trade. According to Rob, King and Hope moved out so Kig could be closer to the new Joseph Bank store on the north side of town. King is really moving up in the world; he was recently spotted wearing designer tea bags on his glasses instead of the plain old Liptons he used to sport.

King's old running mate, Jeff Hillebrand, has also gone the suburban route. Jeff and his wife Nini have a nice house in Northfield out- side Chicago, complete with an 11-month-old daughter Catherine and a golden retriever named Sundance. Nini sent Sundance to obedience school so he wouldn't jump up and at- tack everyone who stepped in the house. Now if she'd only do the same with Jeff.

That's it for this month; keep the cards and letters coming and don't ever change.

1749 N. Wells St., Apt. 810 Chicago, 111. 60614