1985
Funny you think it's easy to be funny with the slate of info which Rick and I have to deal with every month? Marriage, birth, graduation, promotion. Momentous, yes.Important, sometimes. Funny? NOT. And yet, like a drunk date on prom night, we're expected to keep putting out. More funny, more entertaining—the pressure is incredible. You can't write a symphony with only three notes, you know what I'm saying? So help us out you guys, how about some interesting, incisive letters withfunny quotable news. Start cooperating, people, or we'll be playing stupid word games with your names for the next two years. Nuff said.
Got a sheaf of clippings here on engagements and promotions. You may not know this, but there's a file on each of us that would choke a pig hidden away in some sub-level of the campus. The intelligence branch of the Dartmouth Alumni Affairs innocently called the Dartmouth Development Research Department (affectionately known as DDRD, or "Dread", by me and Rick) has media tentacles that stretch into every aspect of our lives, culling information which is cataloged and then sent to us class secretaries to disseminate.
From the Haverhill Gazette (16,625 readers) comes a report that Ellen Robbins (DDRD File #8554581Z; PPLU: 08; LIFE: 18; PERC: 50. You figure it out.) has joined the Fiorentini Law Offices as a parttime associate attorney. Ellen worked as an insurance adjuster before law school and will concentrate on worker's compensation claims. Now, I know there's something funny in here some inherently amusing joke I'm just overlooking. . .. Well, let's move on. I'll think of some thing by the time we get to the end of the column.
Another DDRD clipping came to us from the Middlebury Campus newspaper (Middlebury,Vt.? I mean, the level of infiltration is frightening!) about MatthewDickerson (DDRD File #8554004E; PPLU: 14; LIFE: 25; PERC: 22). The college newspaper's profile on their assistant professor of the Mathematics and Computer Science Department was extremely informative. His turn-ons are trout fishing and epic myths. In his spare time he likes to listen to the music of Phil Keaggy, Mark Heard, and Kerry Livgren (Oh yeah, I've heard of them . . .), and he coaches the Middlebury Ultimate Frisbee team. Sorry, gals, no info on Matt's marital status, but the DDRD is sending an agent out to check it out for me.
One final DDRD file (#8554088G; PPLU: 10; LIFE: 4; PERC: 42) came to us on ChrisGill (whose rating changed from a 4D to 4A way to go, Chris!). The Ridgefield Press, circulation 6,557, reported that Chris, "son of Mr. and Mrs. Thomas J. Gill of Holmes Road," was appointed vice president of retail bankingat at Michigan National Bank in Lansing from his previous post as a senior consultant with
Price Waterhouse in St. Louis. Chris and his wife, Yvonne, will be residing in Okemos, Mich.
Out of our more conventional mailbag. .. Jeff Sidell writes that he is pursuing a Ph.D. in computer science at the University of Illinois while his partner of seven years, Jeff Oakes, finishes his master's in architecture at Washington University in St. Louis. KatieLeede sent me a cool looking announcement of her wedding to Thomas (Tommy) Gerard McGloin in Seal Harbor, Maine, on July 11. Many of you receiving invites or announcements from Katie have die DDRD to thank, since she borrowed my class list to get your addresses.
Nutty arch-conservative Laura Ingraham was in the news again. She's landed herself a job as a clerk to (of all people) Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas. Ironically, one of the cases the Justice may soon be hearing is the constitutional dispute arising from the secret taping by the Dartmouth Review of a Gay Student's Alliance meeting in 1984. Hey Laura, congrats on the job just watch out for those late-night "work sessions".
Finally, rating a picture and three inches of column space in The N.Y. Times, ValerieHartman announced her engagement to Jeffery Levy, an associate in Atlanta with the Washington law firm of Dow, Lohnes and Albertson. Valerie is a lawyer with TNT in Atlanta.
Sorry, Ellen, couldn't think of anything funny . . . But Rick will next month, right, Rick?
Mark Stern, 6650 Maryland Dr., Los Angeles, CA 90048
