Wild and Crazy Guy

Statesman Daniel Webster, class of 1801, was no king of comedy, but he did have a little-known lighter side.

IN THE FALL OF 1948 WE WHO STUDIED the history of the College in freshman English came away with a sense of Daniel Webster as stern and humorless. The man behind the famous "It is, Sir, as I have said, a small college. And yet, there are those who love it" line was known as "Black Dan." This, I mistakenly assumed, referred to his grave personality rather than to his dark complexion, black hair and black eyes.

Who could blame me? The "Great Orator" was renowned for his inspiring-out long—speeches. Webster's admirers called him "the godlike Daniel" in part because of inspiring oratory. On the other hand, President John Quincy Adams once described Webster as having a "rotten heart."

Hardly anyone called him funny.

To a chosen few, however, Webster revealed himself as a witty fellow indeed at least for his time. When given the podium after a dinner, for instance, he could be quite the ham. Dartmouth history professor Ken Shewmaker, the author of Daniel Webster: The Completest Man, has documented some of Webster's thespian tendencies. According to Shewmaker, Webster friend Jeremiah Mason once said: 'When Webster went into law and politics, the stage lost a great actor."

Had I known more of the statesman's conduct among his family and friends when I studied him at Dartmouth, his playful side would have come as no surprise to me. Through the years I've amassed a body of evidence culled from an assortment of biographies that demonstrates Webster could be a funny guy:

The Comic Sidekick

As young boys, Daniel and his older brother, Ezekiel, were given a farm task to do, but it was not done when their father returned from a neighboring town.

"What have you been doing, Ezekiel?" their father asked.

"Nothing, sir," Ezekiel said.

"Daniel, what have you been doing?"

"Helping Zeke, sir."

Class Clown

Webster's wit did not desert him when he presented his grimy right palm to be caned as punishment for a classroom infraction. Frowning, Webster's school master said, "Daniel, if you can find another hand as dirty as that in this schoolroom, I'll let you off." The fast thinking youth quickly drew out his own left hand, hidden behind his back, and said, "Here it is, sir!"

Pigeon Verse

When Webster was 15 years old hunting and fishing still held preeminence for the spirited boy. Since Webster's parents had a high respect for learning, in order to be prepped for college the lad was boarded for a few months with a wellknown clergyman, the Rev. Samuel Wood. Apparently as punishment for spending too much time at his outdoor pursuits rather than studying, Webster was told by the clergyman to memorize 100 lines of Virgil, overnight.

Knowing that the clergyman had an appointment the next morning, Webster stayed up all night committing hundreds of Virgilian lines to memory. Webster detained him by reeling off the assigned 100 lines, then adding another 100.

"Very remarkable," said the master.

"But I have another, and 500 of them," Webster protested.

His tutor was astonished, but eager to break away for his appointment. "You may have the whole day, Dan," he said, "for pigeon shooting."

Webster the Imp

Once, when dressed in appropriate rustic clothing for duck shooting on his property, Webster ran into a couple of Boston sporting snobs who, not knowing Web- ster, begged him to carry them on his back across a bog, and tipped him a quarter each for doing so. Since they'd quit early due to such poor luck at shooting, they asked "if Old Webster was at home." If so, they said, they'd like to visit. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Webster said, "The gentleman alluded to is not at home just now, but would be so soon as he can walk to the house," and then added that he would be glad to see them at dinner. The dandies were too embarrassed to show up.

Webster as His Own Foil

A year before his death in 1852, Webster remained cool—and funny—in the face of danger. The orator was in a train wreck. Every car was derailed and smashed, except for the one in which he was a passenger. After some time had passed, and before he knew of the seriousness of the accident, Webster said, "I have paid my fare to Boston, and I will thank the loco-; motive to proceed to its destination." When he then saw the locomotive in the center of adjacent farmlands, and realized the ludicrousness of his complaint, Webster repeated his demand and set everyone to stress-relieving laughter.

Unknown Comic Even "Black Dan"managed to crack a joke now and then.

LAURENCE STERNE, Ph.D., is a formerprofessor of English literature and a retiredpsychoanalyst. He lives in New York City.