1984

1984

Many of you worry for my safety. As I write this column, filled with falsehoods and innuendo about our class-mates, it seems possible that someone might seek to exact revenge upon me. Every month I receive dozens of letters from the readers of this column, expressing concern for my safety. And by dozens of letters, I mean none. But it could happen. Even just a postcard would be appreciated. Anyway, let me assure you that I’m safer than ever. You see, in the past, I would carefully research the home address of each classmate mentioned in the column, then calculate how easy it would be for them to show up at my door. A general rule was that the further away they lived, the more outrageous the mischaracterization. With the current pandemic, I’ve refined things a bit. I now have a strict formula. Allow me to explain.

I recently received an email from David Cost. David lives in L.A. There are currently approximately two flights a week from L.A. to New York and no more than seven Uber drivers left in N.Y.C. We then add the mandatory two-week quarantine and David might as well live on Mars. I can pretty much get away with anything related to Costy. David lives in California, where he is the chief compliance officer for Headlands Capital. No idea what they do; however, the website has a big picture of David. I’m not saying that David isn’t dressed well. Let’s just say that compliance with a dress code is apparently not a thing at Headlands Capital.

Costy also mentioned Warner Ide, who is the CEO of MPSC, which is based in Wisconsin. Even before Covid, there was one flight a month from Wisconsin to anywhere. Also, the current quarantine from Wisconsin is like a year or more. Sky’s the limit on this one as well. I may not know what Headlands Capital does, but I don’t even know what MPSC stands for. I do knowthat John Marlette works there also. John is the director of MPSC Australia (quarantine factor = infinity). John used to work for IBM, but he made the big move from a three-letter company to a four-letter company, which is probably a huge promotion.

1982-1985

Dwayne Gathers is the founder of Gathers Strategies, which is based in L. A (see Cost, David). Dwayne apparently helps companies interact with the government or something. More importantly, Dwayne is a voice-over artist, and you can listen to him at DwayneGathers.com. That was a lot of fun, you should try it.

Of some risk to me is Doug Baird, who is chairman of Citi’s equity capital markets business. Doug lives in New York, a short Uber from my home. Accordingly, I have nothing to add about Doug. He seems very successful.

So there you have it, my formula for self-preservation. The closer you live to me, the truthier I am. Except for Mark Russi. Russi lives really close, but I just can’t resist the temptation.

—Eric Grubman, 2 Fox Den Way, Woodbridge, CT 06525; (203) 710-7933; grubman@sbcglobal.net; Juliet Aires Giglio, 4915 Bentbrook Drive, Manlius, NY 13104; julietgiglio@gmail.com

Eric Grubman