1936
It's well that this is the swan song for the faltering secretary. A near perfect example of our incomparable blundering we pass along for your amazement. It's in the form of a letter from one Mr. R. Ostrom and came meticulously typed on Morton Salt Company parchment. We quote:
"Your February class notes were certainly a surprise, and even a shock, for evidently your West Coast spy gave you some misinformation. I agree it would be a fine idea for the Morton Salt Company to make me a vice president, but unfortunately they haven't seen fit to do so. Perhaps the confusion comes from my recent election as vice president of the San Francisco Sales Managers Club, a position of honor and prestige, but absolutely no salary. In addition, our oldest boy is named 'Rick,' not 'Chuck,' and he is not a candidate for Dartmouth; we're too poor, with four to send to college; also, my name is spelled Rennolds and not Reynolds.
"First, I was not going to bother you with the corrections, for I well remember in the early World War II days when I wrote the alumni notes. One time, in desperation for news, we invented a fictitious classmate with the first name of Wheelock. In consecutive months, we had 'Whee' as we called him, (1) join the Foreign Legion, (2) become the father of triplets, (3) married to a chorus girl, relative of Bob Morris, (4) the father of a 10-lb. girl, (5) engaged (to another relative of Bob Morris) and (6) become the father of twins. No one ever mentioned his career, much less complained, and not long afterwards, I resigned as editor of the Alumni News. Your column, however, really draws results and in the past month I have been visited by three insurance salesmen, offered eleven uranium deals, had one offer of marriage, and several nasty letters from fellow Morton Salt sellers who also attended Dartmouth."
Bless you, Ren, yours is perhaps our kindest endorsement for retirement. As we slink off may we state most sincerely that the Morton Salt Company never had a regional sales manager more deserving of the job as vice president.
Strictly as a hobby, Fund Chairman PeteFitzherbert has taken to collecting annual statements, one of which he issued us on loan. It's the most recent one by the St. Paul Fire and Marine Ins. Co. of St. Paul, Minn., which lists among the company officers the familiar name of Johnny Parish, holding down the Secretary's spot... . Doubtless Spence Johnson qualifies as the granddaddy of "dooityerselfers" among all '36ers. Since 1950 Spence has been building his own colossal stone house on Pompton Plains, N. J. The family Johnson moved in in 1952 and Spence figures he'll put the finish to the undertaking some time next year. He's been his own carpenter, plumber, electrician, mason ... and boss. Can you top that?
Heard the other day that Oscar Goodman is still headquartering his business in Haverhill, Mass., staying close to the shoe industry which he services; also that Al Rader now lives in Tarzana, Calif., and that Red Riley has put his roots down in St. Petersburg, Fla., along with Coley ]udd, who is now a resident of Fort Lauderdale. Could have sworn we heard, too, that U. S. Steel and Dave Campbell were over in Pittsburgh working like crazy for each other ...'n that Johnny Creigh drops the lid on his oil wells about 6 P. M. each night and slips home for supper down on old Middlefork Road in Northfield, Ill. It's a known fact that admen Boyce Price and Al Gibney, at different times this spring, turned the key in the store door and flew quietly to Bermuda for a week's rest, with the little woman, natch.
The Guild of Prescription Opticians of America this year gained a new fifty-year member in the firm of Anspach Bros., now of East Orange, Summit and Asbury Park. By a coincidence, this series of modern laboratories for the prescriptions optical is presided over by Gene Anspach and his dad. It'll be a matter of days now when we'll extend personally in Hanover our anniversary greetings, Gene.... First Lefty Grove and now Ted Olson run for public office and win! Yup, Ted won the overwhelming confidence of the Hingham, Mass., voters and nailed down handily a two-year term on the Playground Commission. Easy to see why, since Junior American Legion and Little League Baseball in that vicinity have been receiving the ol' right hander's careful attention and services for many years.... Add to Bill Hoffman's many duties a three-year trusteeship of the Hospital Center at Orange, N. J.... Bill is prexy of the Dartmouth Alumni Assoc. of Northern N. J., don't forget.
"His long services with NBC in both radio and television will be valuable to the operation of our world-wide broadcasting activities. His experience, in and out of government, will be of material assistance in scheduling the around-the-clock broadcasts of the Voice of America in 38 languages" - thus spake the Voice when pronouncing the appointment of gob Button as deputy assistant director for broadcasting of the U. S. Information Agency. For the past year Bob has served in the office of the Secretary of Defense as a consultant dealing with defense participation in the work of the Operations Coordinating Board. Actually, Bob is still on loan from NBC. He, Decima and the two Button gals are making Arlington, Va., their home while the Washington duty holds out.
Another college president stands capped and gowned in our midst. The trustees of Marlboro College, Marlboro, Vt., announced in early April that Paul Zens would henceforth be their man-at-the-helm, a duty Paul had been performing since 1953, sans title. The best of everything, Paul, and it's a smart group of trustees you've got on the team!
Whether Joe Cunningham really means he wants out as editor of Tithe or whether the new administration can prevail upon him to forge on is immaterial at this point. The Class, we're dead sure, will underwrite the use of this space to proclaim to the world that we'll stack your editorship, Joe, right at the top of the best, anytime and anywhere!! If it's the pasture you insist you want, you take with you our sincere thanks for a terrific job, and you leave us some of the finest contemporary poetry ever written, not to men- tion the prose! Hope you'll reconsider, puleeze!
Now, kiddies, mind your ol' Uncle Dick. Be on time for Reunion and get that check up to Hanover while it's still open season on the Alumni Fund. As Bob Ingersoll says about the Reunion, "You won't be able to get one like the 20th, no more."
MEETING BY CHANCE on the beach atWaikiki, Philip Johnson '57 (left) and GeorgeHoke '35 spoke more of Hanover than Hawaii.Johnson is part owner of the new RosalieHotel at Waikiki and was on hand for theMarch opening. Hoke was en route to NewZealand.
Secretary, Deepwood Road Wilton, Conn.
Class Agent,21 Beacon Ave., Auburn, Maine
