1980

Tales from the Crypt, volume two, chapter three: Biblical readings, continued: "And on the third day, the Lord created the 'Bos. (Because it took him most of the rest of the week to recover.) And they were good. (Because they were 'Bos.) And the Lord said, "Let them build bonfires." And they built bonfires. (Because in those days the Lord's word was law.) And the Lord said, "Let them rage." And they raged unceasingly. (Because they like to rage.) And the Lord again spake, "Let it be 30 below zero during the better part of the year." And it was. (Because, after all, this is New England.) He also said, "Let it be 60 degrees every Winter Carnival." (Well, you can't have everything.) And, periodically, the Lord said, "CRAM." And, lo, they did cram. (Because everyone had to pass.) And a few times even the Lord hauled off and said, "CHUG." (Well, that's what Goodspeed told me.) But one day the Lord said to this class of nineteen hundred and four score years, "Blow this popsicle stand." And that's just what we did. So ends the reading.

Anyway, despite the Reverend Jerry Falwell's protests, here is the Immoral Minority news. Speaking of immoral, Don O'Brien (the legend lives) has taken leave from his pro hockey career t0 l°in Brown Brothers, Harriman (investment firm in New York). Is BBH on the road to NHL? O'B has also taken leave from his senses because he's moved in with Finnegan, Bechler, and Carothers. "Apple" sauce, continued: And Susan "Dartmouth" Green, class of '80.5, has also moved to New York to work for Manufacturers Hanover. Meanwhile, following a stint at China Museum in N.Y.C., Joni von Herrmann has moved to Cleveland to start the job in public television that she has always sought, econd prize is two jobs in Cleveland.)

and Blisters Department: F. Scott Slater, that old Mexican hairless, ran his fourth marathon this October and plans his fifth later in the winter. Slats, who runs with the renowned Citibank track team, says the key to marathoning is drinking plenty of water during the race. He drank two quarts during the last one, which means he gets over 50 miles per gallon. And hearty congratulations to Amy Ladd, who ran her first marathon this fall in Buffalo. Amos says there wasn't that much need to train. "They lined us all up downtown, fired the starter's gun, and said, 'Who can get 26 miles away from Buffalo the fastest.' No problem!"

Earl Grossman said "shalom" to IBM and "slalom" to Colorado. Earl has traded all of his white shirts in for seven pairs of Varnays, and he'll be keeping his tips up in Vail this winter. In the meantime, he might be passing A1 Ellis on Route 80. After a year of various activities in Telluride, Colo., "Snaggletooth" is coming back to Boston to root for the Celtics and Bruins this winter.

Kit Gorton writes from Columbia's College of Physicians and Surgeons that Dick O'Keeffe,Jon Barasch, and Don Fithian are "all alive, single, and well on their way to becoming doctors which isn't all that bad for living in Washington Heights." This is true, it is a tough neighborhood. It's so tough that I asked a guy on the street, "How far is it to the subway?" and he says, "I don't know. Nobody's ever made it!"

As the Brides Go Tearing By: This is fast becoming the shoe spot in our monthly missives. There are barely enough doctors to handle this influx of "streptococcus nuptialitis" (is that zany Greek back in town?). Anyway, this month's featured performers include Tasha Taylor and Jeff Garnett '78, singing that famous country ballad, "If You Wanna Play Ball, You Gotta Show Me the Diamond." And Jeff-Wah's old roommate is also getting into the act. CarolineCoggeshal and Dave Banta '78 announced their engagement one Saturday night at Raphael's Cucina. (Show that you care, Dave, always give her the very best.) I just hope they get the deep-dish Sicilian out of their hair before the wedding day. By the way, Banted asked me to pass this along to everyone who wonders what proposals are like. "No problems," he confides, "I gave her the ring and she gave me the finger."

Spanky's-Believe-it-or-Not is reserved for this charming short story: A little while ago I received an envelope postmarked "Hey Man, Calif." Inside I found a faintly-scribbled note from the tall tail himself, Tom Cammann. Almost as if to prove that all those hours in the hot tub have soaked him wet beyond the ears, T.C. announced his engagement to one Bonnie Lander. Needless to say, this one stumped even our panel of experts. He writes, "In the words of the immortal Brad Koenig, 'How do ya figure?' But indeed, folks, the news is true: I am engaged. No date yet, but it will probably be next summer when she graduates from U.C.S.D." Good luck, my friends.

Beloch of the Month: (Second prize goes to the New York Yankees for demonstrating, once again at World Series time, just how easily "Bronx Bombers" can be changed to "Bronx Bummers.")

Characters: father, mother, daughter, son.

Scene: typical back yard in Greater Suburbia, U.S.A.

Narrator: "Pesky pests at your picnics?" (Father slaps his arm.) "Bothersome bugs at your backyard barbecues?" (Daughter slaps her knee.) "Well if you are sick and tired of having cookouts and ending up being the meal (mother slaps daughter), then you need the Ronco Exterminator (daughter slaps mother, then father). The Exterminator is a portable, electric bugzapper that costs only $29-95! Call toll free 800/323-7637! Order now! Operators are standing by!" These are excerpts from an advertisement I saw on television in Atlanta last week. And this month's prize winner is the indefatigable Kathryn Kristoff, alias Kathryn Flintner, alias Miss Wyoming, who played the slaphappy mother in the above scene. Kathryn has had various parts in assorted soap operas in New York this year, but I guess she took time out to promote the Exterminator. Hah, the Big Beloch strikes again!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

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