First Impressions

We just received our copy of this year's Freshman Book, a volume containing the names and photographs of most of the 721 men and 340 women in the class of 1983. The book no longer lists the honors each freshman achieved in high school, or the extracurricular activities each one participated in, which is probably just as well. Everyone in our class, except the few who were honest or sophisticated, claimed to have lettered in at least three sports, captained or quarterbacked the football team, presided over the high-school student council as president of the senior class, edited the yearbook or student newspaper, played in the band or participated in student theatricals, and led a religious discission group on the side, all while earning scholastic honors and Eagle Scout badges. It was intimidating.

This year, all one has to go by are faces, names, home and college addresses, and the names of high schools or prep schools that were attended. Despite Dean Karen Blank's introductory note to freshmen asking them to view one another with "honesty and compassion," and to "look beyond the exteriors," we made some instant judgments. There are lots of bright smiles and straight teeth. Both the most worldly and the most artistic-looking women in the class come from New York City, while the most attractive comes from Los Altos, California. A young gentleman from Loudonville, New York, looks like Prince Charles but presumably is no relation. The most sinister-looking character hails from Woodstock, Vermont, and the one who appears youngest and most impressionable comes from Barrington, Rhode Island. (The two are not roommates.) Three towns - Swampscott, Massachusetts; Poland, Ohio; and Miami, Florida - tied for sending the athlete who looks most likely to gain yards for the football team.

We counted four pairs of sunglasses in the pictures, 12 attempts at mustaches (about half are successful), nine beards or beginnings of beards, eight bow ties, and two military academy uniforms. Four women submitted pictures showing their heads resting against trees. The best complete name, in our estimation, belongs to William Henry Harrison Chapman III, while honors for best first name are shared by Paris, Thistle, Waclaw, Igor, and Dabney. Lucifer was by far the most interesting middle name, and no one had a nickname better than Gooch's.

Part of the book contains a geographic directory which confirmed our hunch that most freshmen live in New York and Massachusetts. Places as exotic and farflung as Arizona, Alberta, Ethiopia, Paris, Haiti, Hawaii, lowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Malaysia, Montana, the Netherlands, New Mexico, Panama, Peru, Philippines, Puerto Rico, South Dakota, Tennessee, Turkey, and the West Indies sent one student each, while Ghana sent three.

After assimilating that information, we found at the very back of the book, just past the listing of dormitory telephone numbers, the official words to eight immortal Dartmouth songs and three rousing cheers, including the famous "Short Cheer" - "Dart-MUTH! Dart-MUTH! TEAM!" — which every freshman has undoubtedly memorized by now.