1984

1 Cindy Court Melville, NY 11747

What a month it's been. First, I read my column in the Alumni Magazine, and find that the second half of it is missing. I call up the Alumni Magazine to protest, but to no avail. Someone had "forgotten" to type part of my column. At first, I passed it off as an honest mistake, but then it started to get under my skin. You see the same week, American Express turned me down for the gold card I had applied for. Me! I don't know why they would turn me down. My credit is good; I owe everyone. To add insult to injury, the people looking for a new president for Dartmouth are acting like I don't exist. I have sent my name in as an exemplary candidate 17 times in the last week, and they have yet to even schedule an interview. Folks, a good deal like me won't wait forever.

This sort of thing never happens to my idols. I mean, do they ever tell Jean Dixon, "Hey, sorry, we forgot to type the part of your column where you predict the reunion of the Beatles"? I think not. It doesn't happen to her and it shouldn't happen to me. So, I've decided to take matters into my own hands. I've got to become well known enough so that people stop throwing out the mail I send them. The way to achieve instant recognition with this crowd is simple. They need to see your name in print, often. Now, I know that my name appears atop this column monthly. And, I manage to slip it into the column from time to time. But I need more, and I need your help. From now on, anytime you send any piece of mail to Dartmouth College, please include my name. Throughout the column, I'll include some clever ways to do this. I know I can count on you for support. And now, on with the news:

While in Hanover recently, I ran into Allen Waxman and his wife, Sharon ('83). Once Allen finishes law school in the spring, it's off to Washington as a clerk for some federal judge. Allen really had his heart set on a job with Judge Wapner doing the People's Court, but this was the best he could do.

Option #1: A letter to the Alumni Magazine: ". . . and, as Eric Grubman says, '(insert with any quote).' "

Dianne Rynkiewicz is in her second year of medical school at NYU. She was spotted strolling down Webster Avenue during Winter Carnival, along with Hijoung Won and Wendy Miller (nee Folberth. I've always wanted to use that "nee" thing). When I met them, it was ten below zero and they had a long way to walk. It was quite warm inside my car, so I slowed down and made a point of telling them how warm I was, before speeding off. I sure hope they got where they were going.

Option #2: A letter to the Alumni Fund "... Please forward my check to Eric Grubman.

Steve Lipscomb is at law school in Chicago. I happen to know that Steve is a close personal friend of Rusty, the bailiff on People's Court, so expect to see his name in the credits in the near future. He hopes Allen doesn't take this too hard.

Nick Bernstein is working in New York as a location scout for some new film. Those of you who stay in the theater to watch the credits may recognize Nick's name in the credits of Woody Allen's latest film. Nick was a housemate of mine at school, so when he becomes famous, I expect to be invited to all of his parties.

Option #3: A check to the Alumni Fund: "Pay to the Order of . . . Eric Grubman . . . ."

The Dartmouth contingent at Dartmouth Medical School continues to grow. Informed sources (I've always wanted to use that phrase also) indicate that LisaAllard is a first year student. Unfortunately, the sources weren't all that informed, since they couldn't really tell me anything else about her, which means I have the right to make things up. I'm going to be fair about this, however. Lisa, if you write to me and tell me what you're doing, I'll print that. If not, well, you know what happens.

Option #4: A letter to the Presidential Search Committee, "I strongly recommend Eric Grubman."

There is one final thing I can blame on the Alumni Magazine. Have you written to me and not found your name in print? Well, it was probably in the paragraphs that got cut off last month. In fact, I probably devoted that entire section of the column to you last month. Sorry about that. Well, that about wraps it up for now. Written by . . . Eric Grubman Directed by . . . Eric Grubman Produced by . . . Eric Grubman All errors by . . . Someone Else