How I Invented Dog Running

FIRST PERSON

Sure, they're serving milk and cookies in fraternity basements at Dartmouth. But that's nothing compared to the changes that suburbia has gone through. The potbellied party-goer, who previously had achieved eminence for his consumption of dry martinis, now lurks dejectedly among the wallflowers, nursing a flagon of yogurt.

We were no sedentary types when I went to Dartmouth, of course. My fraternity was Chi Phi, which has always been noted for being gung ho for sports. In my day, the early thirties, the brothers used to amuse themselves by rating "Up" and "Down" sports. The ranking of each activity depended on its social acceptance ,in the eyes of Ivy League participants. Tennis and squash ranked highest, and golf was respectable. At the bottom of the Down sports were cheerleading and baseball.

Times have changed, however. By the 19505, when I lived in the Cleveland suburb of Shaker Heights, tennis and squash were still in but golf was out. Basketball, on the other hand, had made a remarkable comeback. At the adult, neighborhood level of social esteem, physical fitness and the ability to hang in there were what counted.

Then, on July 19, 1961, there was a revolution in sports that I must in all modesty admit I personally sparked. It happened when I took the family mongrel, Rovah, for a walk.That July day I became involved in an act similar to what William Webb Ellis did to rugby in 1823, when he first ran with the ball, thus initiating modern American football. What happened was this: Rovah saw a rabbit. The rabbit saw Rovah and fled down the street, followed by Rovah and me in hot pursuit.

It was a warm summer evening, and the rabbit covered two or three blocks past my neighbors, many of whom were out in their yards. The ultimate in fashionable sports was being born, though I was too busy trying to prevent leash burn to notice.

Next day the hardware store had a run on leashes, so to speak. The pet store and pound did a land-office business. Within a couple of decades the practice had spread across the entire nation.

I think dog-running's popularity owes to its combination of aerobics and insouciance. By careening down the street after some overactive halfbreed, you imply to your neighbors that you're not doing it to lose weight or to jolt your heart out of the indolence of decades. You're only running to exercise the dog.

Having conceived Man's Best Workout Partner puts me at the pinnacle of the trendiest sport in suburbia, even though I no longer practice it myself. Given my status as something of a sports guru, here is a list of Up and Down activities, at least for my suburb.

Up: Dog-running, tennis, squash, basketball, jogging or distance running, paddle tennis or raquetball, volleyball, touch football, skiing, endurance swimming.

Down: Hunting, fishing, sailing, bowling (alley or lawn), skating (ice or roller), curling, shuffleboard (or horseshoes, for real old-timers), golf, yachting, horse-playing.

Rebuttals are welcome, but I doubt that they will have the ring of authority. After all, not every neighborhood has a bona fide sports inventor.

Rovah deserves some of the same respect, of course. But he is no longer with us.

John Anderson is a realtor. He says he still jogs, dogless, to keep up appearances.