Uncommon Knowledge From Uncommon Alumni

UNCOMMON KNOWLEDGE FROM UNCOMMON ALUMNI

25 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO KNOW UNTIL NOW!

HOW TO RECYCLE ALMOST ANYTHING

OUR EXPERT:

MARK LENNON '78, CO-FOUNDER OF THE INSTITUTION RECYCLING NETWORK

Remember that one man'srubbish is another man'streasure

West Point Military Academy was cleaning up its firing ranges after years and years of use, and they had shell casings from machine guns, howitzers and mortars. The academy picked them up and crushed them to make sure they were clean of explosives, then the casings were recycled through a metal dealer. The school made tens of thousands of dollars for its trouble, because brass and copper are very valuable.

Decontaminate first!

Harvard had an old linear accelerator, the Cyclotron, that it didn't know what to do with. It was half a block long and made in the 1950s from the shielding of decommissioned battleships from World War II. That's a lot of copper and steel. Once this nuclear generator was decontaminated, all of that got melted down and recycled.

Watch the seams

Sometimes a college will replace an artificial turf football field that still has some life left in it. At Northeastern, for example, we recently ripped up the old turf along the original seam lines and rolled it up like new. It was trucked to a high school in Texas that desperately needed a new field.

Yes, you can recycle eventhe kitchen sink

If it's stainless steel, it can be valuable when melted down. If it's porcelain, it can be ground up into small chunks of ceramic, then mixed with sand to become paving material. It's not cost effective to do just one, but a whole dorm's worth does make sense.

Forget carpeting

Carpeting is really hard to recycle. It's very sturdy and complex. First you have to get all the dirt out and then you need to separate all the elements, which is a huge ordeal. Transporting it is a pain because it doesn't roll up compactly. If you buy carpeting, spend money for the kind that will last.

Lennon was the recyclingcoordinator for the state of NewHampshire before co-foundingthe Institution Recycling Network(www.ir-network.com)in Concord, New Hampshire,in 1999. He majored inbiology.

HOW TO RELIEVEYOURACHESAND PAINS

OUR EXPERT:

LICENSED MASSAGE THERAPIST MOIRA REDCORN '88

Try yoga

It's the best self-massager. It stretches and strengthens your muscles while reducing stress. It gives you all the mental benefits of a massage, but for a longer period of time.

Stay within reach

Since it's tough reaching your back, try rubbing your feet and your calves instead. It's amazing how much tension is there.

Roll with it

To imitate the feeling of a deeptissue massage, take a tennis ball and roll it between your back and your chair either at the office or even in your car on long commutes. You can also lie down on the floor and roll the ball slowly up and down your spine. When you find a spot where it's relieving tension, relax and concentrate it there.

Buy some help

I have a client who swears by her Theracane. It's a curvy stick with a ball on the end, designed to hit pressure points. It costs about $30.

Get wet

You can't beat water therapy. If you can afford a hot tub, that's one of the best ways to relax and ease your muscle tension. Red Corn is in herfirst year of medicalschool at Oklahoma StateUniversity in Tulsa. Shemajored in art history.

HOW TO ACQUIRE YOUR FIRST MASTERPIECE

OUR EXPERT:

ART GALLERY OWNER KARIN BRAVIN '86

Define your taste

To figure out what kind of work you'll like most, visit lots of galleries. Ideally, go to New York or Los Angeles to see what attracts you at the major galleries. But there are plenty of local studios in every city. You can also read magazines, look online at sites such as www.artnet.com or subscribe to Christies and Sotheby's auction catalogs. You'll suddenly find yourself thinking, "Wow, I really enjoy looking at landscapes" or "I really prefer photography."

Start searching

You need to decide whether you want something with an established value or the work of an unknown artist. Auctions are great, but if you're looking for something more affordable go to the art fairs. The Basel Art Fair held in Miami every December is just one example of those held around the country. You should also attend the large museum survey shows such as the Whitney Biennial. Jot down the artists that you like, then Google them to find their dealers. The Internet is great for research but it's not a good idea to buy online. Art is so different in person.

Hire an art consultant

He or she will show you a wide selection, either for a fee or a percentage of the sale. Consultants can often get you a deal, which will offset their charges.

Stay within your budget

Ifyou don't have a lot of money, consider a trip to Brooklyn, which has lots of galleries featuring young artists. You can preview them online. You can buy a print or drawing starting at around $500. Just buy what you love and don't worry about whether the artist is going to be the next Picasso. Of course, you can sometimes be pleasantly surprised. My husband bought some paintings from a young artist for $800 each in the early 1980s and now they're worth $60,000 each. Every time I panic about tuition for my kids, I just look at those and think, "We're okay!"

If you can't buy, make do

If you can't afford to invest in art now but want to fill the walls, simply frame what you love, such as something your kids painted, or blow up and mount a photograph you took. Every once in a while I will see a cute print at Pottery Bam. There's nothing wrong with buying those, but that's not collecting art—that's just decorating.

Bravin and her husband, John Lee,are partners at New York City'sGorney Bravin + Lee Gallery,which specializes in contemporaryart. She majored in art history.

HOW TO GOINCOGNITO OUR EXPERT:

AWARD-WINNING FASHION DESIGNER EUGENIA KIM'96

Put a lid on it

A hat is the fastest and easiest way to change your appearance if you don't want to be recognized. You want one with a wide brim. The longer and wider the brim, the less likely you'll be noticed. You'd be safest going with a widebrimmed newsboy, an engi- neer's cap or baseball cap or a fedora. A fedora is great because it says you're a shady character, and people will shy away from checking you out.

Don't attract interest

Casual fabrics are best, such as denim or cotton. You don't want a loud print. Go for a solid color, the darker the better. You don't want a hat made of a luxe material like boucle because everyone will know you're rich or famous or both. The point isn't just to hide your face—it's to not stand out, either. So don't go for too cute a trim or too unique a fabric or shape.

Hide your beauty

Skip the makeup. Celebrities look completely different when they go au naturel. Wear sunglasses, too, because eyes are a dead giveaway. If you really want to go unnoticed, tuck your hair in your hat or put it back somehow, especially if you have a signature hair cut or color that everyone knows.

In addition to selling her hat andshoe collection in more than 120stores worldwide, Kim, who won aCouncil of Fashion Designers ofAmerica award in June, runs herown boutique in New York City,where she lives. Madonna, AliciaKeys and Cameron Diaz areamong her clients. She majored inpsychology.

HOW TO BRINGNEW LIFETO OLDGRAVES

OUR EXPERT:

HEADSTONE RESTORER JAMES FANNIN '58

Know your stone

Most headstones today are made of granite. Older head- are made of marble or stones slate, both of which were more popular in the late 1800s. In or near cities, acid rain and the dry deposition of acidic material from auto exhausts can ruin both.

Roll up your sleeves

Your best approach is digging up the stone and cleaning it on site. All it takes is water and a lot of elbow grease. There are some non-ionic soaps out there, but water works best. It's amazing how much just cleaning a stone will help make the writing legible. If a slate is broken, you can epoxy the layers together. Marble is trickier: You need to drill a pin in the bottom piece and use a fiberglass rod and epoxy to put it together again.

Pack it in

Once that's done, you pack the headstone back in—about 40 percent of a tablet sits under ground—with sand and some pea gravel to keep it stable. Then you replace the sod on top and it's almost as good as new.

Fannin, an admitted fan of Six Feet Under, operates Fannin/Lehner Preservation Consultantsin Concord, New Hampshire,with his wife, Anne. He majoredin economics.

HOW TO FIND TIMETO READ

OUR EXPERT:

PETER GILBERT '76 OF THE VERMONT HUMANITIES COUNCIL

Read more than one bookat once

Sometimes you feel like a sweet snack, other times something salty. The same with books. And if you're reading several books at once, it's more likely one will be near at hand.

Don't finish books youdon't like

There won't be a test.

Let subscriptions expire

If the arrival of a magazine provokes in you an exasperated, burdened sense of "more to read," let the subscription run out and turn to the stack of books you've been wanting to get to.

Carry a book with you

Read while you're waiting—for the doctor, for your child, for an oil change.

Go to the library

People who are dieting should stay out of chocolate shops. People who want to provoke themselves to read more should go to a library. They are chocolate shops for would-be readers.

Make conscious choicesabout watching TV

Instead of channel surfing, read a TV schedule: If nothing interesting is listed, don't turn on the TV to check. When your favorite TV show is over, turn the tube off before the next lame show begins.

Don't wait until you feel youhave the time to read a wholebook, which is never

Just begin.

Gilbert is executive director of theVermont Humanities Council inMorrisville, Vermont. He majoredin English. (This commentary waswritten for broadcast on VermontPublic- Radio and aired on September 3,2003.)

HOW TO AUDITION FOR A REALITY TV SHOW

OUR EXPERT:

SURVIVOR ALUMNUS LINDA SPENCER '78

Make your audition tapememorable

I taped mine during a snowstorm in Boston. I had my winter tent and snowshoes and the rest of my gear, but I was in gym clothes. It was freezing! I gave marketing points on why I was a survivor. I didn't see that as a gimmick, but I definitely had a unique backdrop. I recommend that over your kitchen or back yard. One of the things the producer said to me was, "I'll never forget your tape."

Don't be a jackass

Cracking a lot of jokes and doing cartwheels and handstands in your audition tape won't help you. Some people may think, "Oh, it's reality TV—the more ridiculous I am the better." Most shows aren't going to appreciate that.

Be a type A

Let them know you are driven, a risk taker, a little crazy and a little on the edge. Reality shows want someone who talks too much and puts his foot in his mouth, someone to push buttons and stir the pot a bit.

Don't be a wallflower

Introverts need not apply. While they're looking for a mixture of personalities, casting directors really want people who aren't afraid to speak their mind and who are fairly extroverted. They don't want someone quiet. That's not good for ratings!

Be yourself

TV producers try to find people who are natural, people whose personalities lend themselves to being on camera. If you are called for an interview, try to act as natural as possible. You want to turn up the volume on your personality, but it shouldn't be someone else's.

Go for the experience, notthe results

If you're trying to get on a show to parlay it into an acting career, it's usually pretty obvious. Some people on reality shows end up doing something in Hollywood afterwards, but that's not the norm.

Don't be too hard on yourself

I've had people trying out for Survivor ask me how to strategize. I tell them getting a spot is pure luck.

Spencer, who appeared on Survivor Africa in 2001, is the assistant director of career services at HarvardUniversity. She majored in sociology. HOW TO FIND ADIET THATWORKSFOR YOU

OUR EXPERT:

DIETING GURU ED VICTOR '61

Choose a plan you can staywith

If you're miserable, you're going to end up hopping on and off your diet as if it were a bus. Think long term so deprivation doesn't lead to gorging.

Set your own rules

It's too easy to break diet rules when someone else sets the boundaries. If you set your own limits, even within an already existing diet, you're much more likely to follow them. Still, you need to question what you're putting in your mouth. If you see a big piece of bread with butter and a big hunk of cheese, you have to think of that as a special luxury—not something you can eat every day. You have to control your self-indulgence.

Start strong

Wait a month before having any treats or any alcohol. This will give your body a good kick start, which will motivate you to keep going.

Treat yourself occasionally

Whatever rules and limits you choose for yourself, allow yourself a treat meal once a week. If you tell yourself, "I can never have a cheeseburger ever again!" that's exactly what you'll crave. If you let yourself eat a cheeseburger and fries once a week, it gives you something to look forward to so you don't feel quite so deprived.

Have a cleansing day

One day each week, live on juices, fruits, vegetables and soups. Its not exactly fasting, but it helps the body eliminate toxins.

Don't rely on exercise

Certainly you should exercise to keep fit in general and get your heart rate going, but it's not that effective if you're not eating well. To lose weight, you really need to eat properly. That's the bottom line.

Victor is the author of The Obvious Diet A London-basedliterary agent whose clients includeErica Jong and Erich Segal, he lost 50 pounds using his own plan. Hemajored in English.

HOW TO SPEAK ARABIC

OUR EXPERT:

MIDDLE EAST SPECIALIST CASEY NOGA'00

is-salaam alaykum

Hello, or peace be upon you. This is the formal greeting you would use when meeting anyone for the first time.

in sha'allah

"If God wills it." This is a catch-all phrase. If someone asks you anything, people will never blink twice if you say that. Sprinkle it in anywhere and you'll sound like a pro.

ma'lish

This comes from a classical phrase meaning "there's nothing with it"—the equivalent of "no problem." If things get heated when you're bartering over the price of something or there's some other issue at stake, say this to indicate that there's no problem. It can get you out of trouble.

kayf al haal

Literally translated, this means "How's your state?" But it's just a way of saying, "How are you?"

wayn al-hammam

"Where is the bathroom?" Be careful with this one because if you mispronounce it, it sounds like, "Where is the pigeon?" You hear of a lot of tourists asking where the pigeons are.

Noga is a research assistant at theSaban Center for Middle EastPolicy at the Brookings Institutionin Washington, D.C. He majoredin English.

HOW TO SUPPORTTHETROOPSEVEN IFYOU DON'TSUPPORTTHE WAR

OUR EXPERT:

RETIRED FOUR-STAR GENERAL THOMAS MOORMAN '62

Don't repeat past mistakes

One of the unfortunate things we saw in the Vietnam era was peoples opposition to the war being taken out on servicemen. Because the war was unpopular, soldiers were shunned when they returned home. Communities need to start thinking of military personnel who are serving in Iraq as individuals who are away from their families and in harm's way. Many of them are just kids and all are responding to the direction of the president. They've been asked to do something tough.

Acknowledge their absence

Often schools "adopt" a few servicemen and women, whom the kids write to. Getting letters from students can mean a lot to those in a war zone. The community benefits, too, because its young people learn the value of service and duty, military or otherwise. This can happen in churches, too, when congregations post pictures of soldiers to pray for. Another way to raise awareness is to encourage your local newspaper to do features on some of the people overseas. This helps not only the soldiers but also their families.

Be where they can't

Military personnel often have more angst about their families' well-being than their own, so it helps if they know that their communities are filling in for them while they're away. Offering to babysit so a young parent can get a break or bringing a home-cooked meal to a temporarily single parent can mean a lot.

Remember the reserves

A huge percentage of the people serving overseas today are National Guard and reserve volunteers who have given up their jobs to serve. It's important to recognize and publicize the good works of companies that are keeping jobs open while their employees are away.

Give them a properhomecoming

It's nice to have a service to welcome soldiers home—or honor them with a parade. Inviting them to speak to school or community groups is another way to acknowledge their service. You can also include them in patriotic events such as the Fourth of July and Armed Services Day observances. Military service is tough, so they really need the support of their hometowns to make it through.

Moorman spent 35 years with theU.S. Air Force before retiring in1997 to Great Fails, Virginia, wherehe lives with his wife. He majored inhistory and political science.

HOW TO STAY WARM WHEN IT'S COLDER THAN HANOVER

OUR EXPERT:

ALISON ARIANS '93 OF THE ALASKA DEPARTMENT OF NATURAL RESOURCES

Wear synthetics

A polar fleece hat will do wonders for keeping you warm. There are so many great synthetic materials these days, you don't need to be bulked up in order to not be cold.

Get out your Vaseline

Vaselines always great for your lips, but when I want to avoid windburn and frostbite, I'll smear it all over my face. It seals your skin and protects it.

Do the whirly bird

If my gloves aren't keeping my hands warm, I'll stop and spin each arm around and around really fast about 20 to 30 times. I look like a helicopter, but I can feel the blood traveling all the way into my fingers.

Forget the hot bath

If you're chilled to the bone and you run your hands or feet under hot or even warm water, it hurts so much you want to cry. Jump around to get your circulation going first, then try sipping some hot chocolate under a cozy blanket. Then you can take your bath.

Avians, an officer for the Departmentof Natural Resources since 1997,regularly competes in cross-countryski races across her home state ofAlaska. She majored in geography.

HOW TO COLLECT COOL ROCK 'N' ROLL STUFF

OUR EXPERT:

STEPHEN ROUTHIER '76, WHO AMASSED MORE THAN HALF OF THE HARD ROCK CAFE'S $40 MILLION MEMORABILIA COLLECTION

First, realize it ain't what it used to be

Memorabilia is not as good a bet these days as it was from the 1950s to the 1970s.Todays music is more of a commodity. A poster for a Hendrix gig in 1969, for instance, would be extremely valuable now because there were only so many. These days, if Beyonce does one, thousands upon thousands are being produced, and they probably have a Pepsi logo on them. You have to be knowledgeable in this business, and it's hard to buy anything in the memorabilia business with the goal of making money. It's like trying to figure out where the stock market is going. But if you collect the things you love, you'll learn as you go along. Instruments that an artist has actually played will be worth much more than those simply autographed. The question you want to ask is, "Does the item fit into this artists work?" and "What is its intrinsic val- ue?" Consider, for example, a 1956 Stratocaster such as that used by Eric Clapton. First of all, it's an incredibly coveted guitar that on its own would be valued in the high-five figures. Since it's well documented that it's one of Clapton's favorite guitars, the price goes up significantly. His 1956 Stratocaster, "Blackie," just sold for almost $1 million at a charity auction for his Crossroads rehab clinic.

Death adds value

The gold record for John Lennon's Imagine (1971) would be worth huge money, but one for Metallica's 1983 album KillThem All? It just doesn't have the same draw or cultural standing, right or wrong. Plus there's a saying: Buy before they die! Whether it's Van Gogh or Lennon, death always adds value. Plus, gold records once actually had some gold in them. Now there are endless copies made for radio stations, so they don't have the same cachet.

Not all awards are equal

Grammys can be extremely valuable, of course, but only if they were awarded to stars. A Grammy for some obscure technical achievement won't have the value of the Best New Artist Award given to the Beatles in 1964. It doesn't get much better than that.

When it comes to clothing,you can't top Madonna orJanet

If you've got a Madonna costume from one of her videos, insure it for tens of thousands. Any early Madonna stuff from before she became a huge celeb is also worth a lot. People are fascinated with her life in a way that's pretty rare. Other artists whose clothes may be valuable include Elton John, Jimi Hendrix and Britney Spears. And I can't even imagine what Janet Jackson's Super Bowl outfit would be worth if someone got their hands on that.

Follow the paper trail

This means photos, merchandizing materials, tour programs, autographs, lyric manuscripts, posters. Photography is the best collectible—it's even better if it was signed and dated in the era it was taken. A preeminent photographer such as Jim Marshall will still print an old shot and sign it for you, but if you have an early Marshall signed and dated from the year it was taken, that's big.

Among Routhier's finds for theHard Rock Cafe: Bo Diddly'sfirst guitar, a pair of Buddy Hollyglasses and Madonna's weddingdress from the Like a Virgin album cover. Routhier lives inOrlando, Florida, and is currentlyhelping develop Hard Rock projects in Myrtle Beach and LasVegas. He majored in English.

HOW TO CURB AHANGOVER

OUR EXPERT:

COCKTAIL AFICIONADO RACHEL FEDERMAN '98

Drink your first cocktail on anempty stomach

You'll feel it right away. Some people have such a huge dinner that they don't feel the effects of alcohol. They'll often drink way too much as a result.

Eat after you drink

Before you head home, it's a good idea to go out to a diner and order something greasy with some heavy carbs. A burger with fries is perfect.

Don't sleep until the effectsof the alcohol have worn off

You may be tired the next day, but you won't be as hung over. Oversleeping the next morning isn't advisable. You'll just wake up groggy and feeling sorry for yourself.

In the morning, give into your cravings

If you want Pepsi or McDonalds for breakfast, have it. Some people say to have a shot of vodka as soon as you get up, but I've never tried that. Doritos, brownies and a Diet Coke work best for me.

Federman, the author of Girl Drinks: 101 Cocktails for Every Occasion, works as aneditor for Barnes & Noble Publishing in New York City. She majoredin English and creative writing.

HOW TO RAISETRIPLETSAND STAYSANE

OUR EXPERT:

STAY-AT-HOME DAD BRIAN REIDY '81, WHO CAN'T IMAGINE CARING FOR ONLY ONE INFANT, OR EVEN TWO

Get over yourself

You have to realize you have no life once you have triplets. Especially when they're toddlers, everything you do is about them, times three. You also have to have a lot of patience. I've yelled a few times, but I quickly realized I'm no match for three 2-year-olds. There's a great support system at www.tripletconnection.com, which offers tips for parents of multiples. That's where we found our triplet stroller.

Develop a system

You absolutely need a schedule. My wife and I learned this the hard way: We'd just let our children fall asleep wherever and whenever, and let them stay asleep. One would always be up even if the other two were sleeping. Now they nap together no matter what, so I can get some time alone. I bathe them together, too. All three still fit in the bathtub. In the summer I'll fill an inflatable pool outside and put all of them in it. I can't change and dress them together, though. In the morning I'll first change the wettest kid, take him or her downstairs, then go through the process twice more before feeding them at their little picnic table. Then I'll usually take the kids for a walk or to the mall to wear them out. I highly recommend that. It works every time. You should see the looks I get from these frazzled one-baby moms!

Use paper plates

That's crucial!

Kid-proof everything

You have to be a safecracker to live in our house. I can't always keep my eyes on all three at once, so everything needs to be locked up. All the cabinets are bungied. Our microwave is duct-taped. We took the knob off the dishwasher because the kids kept turning it on. There are child locks on the fridge, the toilets and all the door knobs, and we have gates on the stairways.

Focus on the positives, notthe negatives

I've estimated that I've changed 20,000 diapers. I also lost 40 pounds—l call it the Triplet Diet because you don't have time to eat! Still, I've been with our kids every waking moment and I wouldn't trade that for anything. It's the best job in the world. It just doesn't pay very well. But four? Now that would be scary.

Reidy, a former U.S. Navy pilot,lives near Seattle with his wife andtheir children: Sarah, Jesse Lee andTimothy. He majored in English.

HOW TO NEGOTIATEWITH YOURCHILDRENAND WIN

OUR EXPERT:

SCOTT BROWN '78, WHO WROTE THE BOOK ON THE SUBJECT

Give a little, take a little

If you use a process of parenting that involves your children and respects them, they're much more likely to comply. Some parents like the "my way or the highway" approach. But if you teach your children that to win you need to be stubborn and unyielding, that's going to backfire on you later on.

Involve your kids fromthe start

You can predict 90 percent of household issues: Bedtime, meals, homework, curfews. Bring up your issues when no one's going to blow up; don't even bother when you're right in the middle of the argument. Wait until a Saturday morning to talk out the problem calmly and come up with a reasonable solution together. That way, you and your child will feel as if you've both won.

Start young

Toddlers aren't easy to negotiate with, but if you try to see whatever the conflict is from their point of view, that will help you learn how to deal with them better. Some parents get in the habit of making all the decisions for their kids from an early age and it's very hard to give that habit up. Let them be a part of the decision- makin now. Negotiating early gon will teach them a very useful skill for future personal relationships —or when they need to ask for a raise.

Keep your emotions in check

Your kids know how to push your buttons, which makes negotiating much harder. In my own life, getting my kids to bed was the most difficult time of day. If there was any time I was likely to snap, it was then. Getting mad at them wasn't helping, though. They're kids. It's their nature to have pillow fights and delay bedtime. So I found that the less reactive I was, the more respectful they were. I'll sit down now and talk to them about it instead: "Look, this is the third time this week you've been up late and it's not fair to me and it's not healthy for you, so how can we get back on schedule?" They came up with ideas, such as having me read them a story before bed to calm them down or sending them upstairs a little earlier so they have more time to get ready.

Know when not to negotiate

Health issues and safety issues must remain the parents' responsibility. Wearing a seatbelt, playing in the street— these matters aren't up for discussion!

Brown, a former dean of the TuckerFoundation, is the author of How to Negotiate with Kids Even if You Think You Shouldn't,- heserved as a negotiator in the SouthAfrica peace talks, the El SalvadorCivil War and the Sudanese CivilWar. He lives in Hanover with hiswife,Mary Kendall '78, and theirfour children. He majored in mathand Russian.

HOW TO BE A STAY- AT-HOME MOM AND NOT FEEL ISOLATED

OUR EXPERT:

MAGAZINE EDITOR STEPHANIE WILKINSON '85

Don't believe the hype

Women feel really isolated these days because there's so much in the mainstream media about working moms versus stay-at-home moms. Don't buy into other peoples notions— do what works for you.

Meet other moms

Lack of adequate sleep and isolation from other adults can drive you nuts Join a moms club. As soon as you walk around with a stroller in the park, you're going to meet other moms if you haven't already bonded with other moms in prenatal classes.

Take time out for yourself

Time away from your kids is key. Arrange a babysitting swap so you can take turns getting some alone time. Read The New York Times or go to a museum or join a book club- anything that makes you feel like an adult again. Or just catch up on sleep! If you can find other like-minded mothers out there to share a "girls' night out" every week or couple of weeks, that goes a long way toward feeling like you're not completely tied to babyland 24/7.

When you can't get out...

There are some great organizations on the Web. Mothersandmore.org is a great site because it's not solely dedicated to being a mom. Another is MothersOughrTo- HaveEqualRights.com (MOTHER), which calls for changes in the Social Security laws so moms don't lose benefits when they take some time off to care for their kids.

Wilkinson lives in Virginia withher husband and their twochildren, ages 3 and 6. Sheco-founded Brain, Child anaward-winning literary magazineabout motherhood, in 1991.She majored in English.

HOW TO FINDRELIEFFROMYOURMENTALSTRESS

OUR EXPERT:

BUDDHIST MONK- TURNED-TEACHER JACK KORNFIELD '67 Find your body

There's a line from James Joyce: "Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body." Is this you? Is your body tense, painful, hungry, tired? The body has a wisdom of its own and it will tell you what to do if you listen to it.

Breathe

Take 10 conscious deep breaths. This is the most universal meditation practice of all. And with each breath, let yourself relax. You can do it in traffic jams, walking down the street or before a meeting. Close your eyes, let yourself visualize the calmest, most beautiful place you've ever been. Use the power of your own mind and imagination and let yourself transcend the stress of the moment.

Check in with your heart

Is it constricted? Fearful? Or is it gracious, centered? The great Middle Eastern poet Hafiz said, "Fear is the cheapest room in the house—I'd like to see you in better living conditions." Just knowing the state of your heart will guide you.

Think about your death

When you remember that yourdeath is inevitable, things become clear. Wherever you are,whatever you're caught up in,think: Does this really matter? If you take death as an advisor,90 percent of whatever you'reworried about drops away. Askyourself what you can let go ofinwardly and outwardly. Fear,anxiety, ambition?

Rearrange your priorities

Turn off CNN and turn on Mozart. Spend time with your kids or go sailing, do some gardening, care for others. Try to enjoy playing the game rather than focusing on the score.

Look around, and be where you are

There's a sign in a casino in Las Vegas that says, "You must be present to win." It's true in Vegas and it's true everywhere else. Put your bags down and look out the window wherever you are. Step back, take a breath and look at the amazing scene, as if you just returned from a voyage from space and you are just so grateful to see the clouds above and human beings in cars and to be able to hear the voices of people around you. And always remember that if you want to, you can have strawberries and M&Ms for lunch.

Kornfield worked in the Peace Corpsfor five years before training as amonk at monasteries in Thailand,Burma and India. His books include Buddha's Little Instruction Book and A Path with Heart; amongothers. He majored in Asian studiesand earned a Ph.D. in Western psychology from the Humanistic Psychology Institute; he lives in San Francisco.

HOW TO SAVE MONEY WHLE SHOOTING A LOW- BUDGET INDIE FILM

OUR EXPERT:

FILMMAKER JULIE DAVIS '90

1. Don't pay anyone until the movie sells to a big studio.

2. Shoot the entire movie in your own apartment and car.

3. Flirt shamelessly to get a free camera package.

4. Play all the roles yourself, thereby avoiding agents.

5. Go to law school before making your indie film so you can foresee all the legal night- mares that await you.

Davis has written, directed and acted in movies such as I Love You, Don't Touch Me and Amy's Orgasm A Los Angeles resident,she majored in film studies.

HOW TO GET RID OFSPAM

OUR EXPERT:

ENRIQUE SALEM '87, SYMANTEC'S SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT FOR NETWORK AND GATEWAY SECURITY

Try a spam filter

Spammers make a lot of mon- ey, so it's definitely an arms race. If the filter changes, the spam changes. The filters have to be constantly updated, but they are the best solution.

Use multiple e-mail accounts

It's a good idea to have one for friends, one for business and then another that you use for online purchases, surfing, registering for sites so only that address is out there.

Don't be surprised if you getspam anyway

Some people wonder how their e-mail addresses get discovered in the first place. They'll say, "I haven't been to any sites, why am I getting spam?" Even if you have an e-mail address you've never used, spammers will use brute force with what's called a dictionary attack, just going after any common names at aol.com or yahoo.com. Even oddly formatted names aren't immune. They'll try anything and have the programs to do it.

Never unsubscribe from spammers

If you don't want to be on Lands' End's e-mail list anymore, feel free to hit unsubscribe, but if you don't know where something originated, hitting unsubscribe can do you more harm than good because now they know you're responding. Even opening it can actually let them know you're there, so the best thing to do is delete your spam before opening it.

Be careful with your personal information

Don't reply to anything asking for your personal information. Worse than spam is something called "phishing." You'll thinkyou've received a message from your own bank asking you to confirm some information, and it's actually an attempt to steal your identity by getting your address, Social Security number and whatever else they might ask for to get credit cards in your name. If you're worried that it really is your bank, give them a call and tell them about the email, but there's almost no chance it's legitimate.

Face the sad fact: Spam is not going away

The "Can Spam" bill that was signed last year has had no effect on getting rid of spam. This is a global problem and whatever U.S.-originated spam may have been halted is now sent tenfold from Europe, China and Korea. The sad fact is, no matter how many laws are passed, they're impossible to enforce. Spam is very hard to regulate. But we can keep finding new ways to avoid it.

Salem, who notes that spam nowconstitutes 65 percent of all e-mail,lives in San Francisco. He majoredin computer science. Symantec isa security software firm based inCupertino, California.

HOW TO RAISE MILLIONS

OUR EXPERT:

HEAD CLASS AGENT KEVIN HOFFMAN '78, WHO RAISED A RECORD $14.4 MILLION FOR DARTMOUTH LAST YEAR

Throw down the gauntlet

We not only wanted to beat Dartmouth's class gift record, but all the other Ivies' records as well. Harvard was off the charts at $30 million, but I knew we could beat Princetons record and mentioned that goal to everyone. It worked very well. The larger givers responded to that kind of incentive. Tap into your donors' competitive juices.

Get personal

You need to have a personalized touth in soliciting donations. Ideally, friends should be assigned to ask friends for money. Otherwise, you should write e-mails and notes to get to know your target. Every contact shouldn't be about donating, either. It's important to ask about work and family.

Don't give up

It doesn't happen in one call. There's a psychology to giving, and most people have to be convinced your cause is the most deserving of their money.

Understand "no"

Never get so pushy that you turn someone off. One guy in my class was going through a difficult time professionally. He'd always been a solid supporter but said he couldn't give when we asked. Twelve months later he took a new business public and was suddenly worth $100 million. He gave a seven-figure gift. If I'd been rude or pushy, I don't know that he would have been that generous.

Believe in your product

Don't use a script. Everything you say should be from the heart. I tell people Dartmouth can't be just a society of elite kids who can afford Ivy League schools. I don't ever want to see Dartmouth's need-blind admissions have to change. When an issue like saving the swim team arises, that can also encourage people to give. If you're passionate about your cause, you're going to have much more success.

Hoffman has his own lawpractice in Greenwich, Connecticut. His daughter,Sarah, is a Dartmouthfreshman, class of 2008.

HOW TO GIVE EVEN MORE OF YOURSELF OUR EXPERT:

ZELL KRAVINSKY '75, WHO DIDN'T STOP AT GIVING AWAY $45 MILLION; HE DONATED HIS KIDNEY, TOO

Find a hospital willing tooperate

Some hospitals won't take an organ if you offer it. They're worried about being sued by your family if you die. But there's only a 1 in 4,000 risk factor with donating a kidney. And there are no known longterm risks. Right now thousands of people on the kidney waiting list die every year, yet there have been only about 150 of what they call altruistic donations," given by complete strangers.

Convince them that yourhead is on straight

The hospital will test you psychologically and physically before accepting you as a donor. That alone takes a couple of months because they put you through the ringer. The hospital I went to wasn't crazy about the fact that my wife was opposed. She threatened to divorce me for doing this. I now understand her way of looking at things. She's no less charitable than me. We're just built differently. We're getting along much better now.

Schedule your surgery

Most of the operation, which takes about two to three hours, is done laproscopically. They make just a few small incisions and then one about six inches long in order to remove the kidney. I guess if you're vain, this isn't for you, although if I met a woman with a scar from donating her kidney, that would be the sexiest part of her body to me.

Don't worry about the cost

Most people can go back to work two to three weeks following surgery. Your employer will often pay for your time off.The recipients insurance company pays for the operation, which costs about $64,000. That's nothing compared to the cost of dialysis, which can quickly add up to $1 million. The woman they matched me to is doing very well now, and so am I.I feel no different than before. You really don't need two kidneys.

Ignore the critics

I've been called a selfish son of a bitch for going against my family's wishes, and an AOL poll said I had a screw loose. But I just can't imagine not giving an organ that someone else needs in order to live when you've got an extra one. I'm hoping others will be inspired. Anyone interested in finding out more about how to donate can e-mail me at zhamlet@comcast.com.

Kravinsky, who runs an investmentfund, lives in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania, with his wife, Emily, andtheir four children. He majored inAsian studies.

HOW TO PLAYPOKERWITH THEPROS

OUR EXPERT:

WORLD POKER TOUR CEO STEVE LIPSCOMB '84

Read

There are two books to buy: Tom McEvoy and T.J. Cloutier's Championship NoLimit & Pot Limit Hold 'Em and, if you dare, Doyle Brunson's Super System, which is more advanced. Study them thoroughly.

Watch

Watch the World Poker Tour every Wednesday night on the Travel Channel and you can see how people play in real circumstances. Unlike watching the Superbowl, which doesn't teach you much, you can actually become a better player by watching poker tournaments.

Listen

There are also people willing to coach you. Ben Affleck is being coached by Annie Duke, who's a master. You don't need a coach, though. There's a wonderful community in poker and everyone's always happy to give advice at no charge. You'll get hundreds of coaches just by playing.

Up your ante

Play with your friends first to learn which hands to play and how to read people. You have to become the great psychologist, a profiler, watching how people react to everything. Just don't quit your day job. Enjoy this as a recreation. You can have some fun taking a shot at a big tournament but go back to your life and be happy no matter what the result is.

Lipscomb, who lives in Los Angeles,founded the World Poker Tour in2002 after quitting a career in law.He majored in art history.

HOW TO SELLYOURSCREEN-PLAY OUR EXPERT:

SCREENWRITER DAVID BENIOFF'92

Head West

If you're really serious about becoming a screenwriter, move to L.A. Breaking into the business is difficult and you need any advantage you can get. The vast majority of purchased scripts are snapped up by a small number of studios, all headquartered in Los Angeles. Proximity to the buyers plays a more important role than you might think. Nobody's going to pay you a million dollars because they met you at a party and thought you were funny—but they might read your script.

Or don't

You can ignore all of the above, write three novels over the course of 10 years, fail to sell the first two, finally sell the third and, when the book is optioned, demand to write the adaptation yourself. That's what happened to me. I never planned to wake up in Hollywood, it just sort of happened that way.

Get an agent

You really need an agent or a manager to get you through a studio door, unless you're friends with a top executive. Use any connections you have to find an agent. Failing that, you just have to send out letter upon letter to agents in hopes that someone will be interested in your script synopsis and want to represent you. You may hear a thousand no's before you hear a yes, but that one yes is all you need.

Come prepared

Once you're in the door, your main goal is to intrigue whoever is hearing your pitch and leave them wanting more. It's definitely intimidating talking to a major studio mogul, but you won't choke if you're passionate about your story. It's not so much having a word-for-word presentation as it is knowing the story really well. Have a five-minute version and a 25-minute version prepared. If there's no interest after five minutes, you know not to continue for another 20 minutes. It's almost as if there are going to be 10 beats in the movie, or 10 key scenes, and you're pointing them out.

Don't sound like a used-carsalesman

It's not about being too smooth or slick, it's more about telling a story well. That's a lot more convincing than the pyrotechnic approach. You can't go, "You're gonna love this! Really!" They'll tune you out right away.

Learn how to take rejection

You always know by the end of your pitch if it succeeded or not. Studio execs don't always say when they don't like something, but you always know. If they're asking a lot of questions, that's good. If they just say, "Thanks for coming in," you move on. It's part of the job. No big deal. You just move on to the next studio—or to your next idea.

Benioff, who lives in Los Angeles,wrote the screenplay for Troy and The 25th Hour. Another of hisscreenplays, For Whom the Bell Tolls, will soon be produced. Hewas a creative writing senior fellowat Dartmouth.

HOW TO TELL IFYOU'REREADY FORCOSMETICSURGERY OUR EXPERT:

PLASTIC SURGEON RICK SILVERMAN '81

Go with your gut (even if that means getting rid of it)

I always tell people that if something bothers you 80 percent of the time, it's definitely worth changing. If it bothers you 50 percent of the time, it may be worth doing. But if it bothers you just 20 percent of the time, don't do it. You have to weigh the inconvenience of surgery, the expense and recovery time versus the outcome. If you're feeling a little aged and want the biggest bang for your buck, go with eyelid surgery, where we remove some of the excess skin and fat there. It's safe because it's done with a local anesthesia and the recovery and cost aren't bad. Something like a face-lift is a lot bigger ordeal.

Do what you can on yourown first

Before getting liposuction, you should be close to your desired weight. If by that point those saddlebags haven't gone away and they're really bugging you, then see a surgeon.

Wait out puberty

A lot of teenage boys will come in asking about breast reduction, which is a common concern during puberty. I won't do it unless the problem has persisted for a couple of years. Teenage girls often have the opposite concern. I tell them to wait until they are fully developed before thinking about breast implants.

But don't put it off forever

Why wait until you have kids or until you're 50 to have your breasts reduced if they're causing you discomfort now? If you have jowls and you're in your 30s, they aren't going to get better as you age, so you may as well be happy with your appearance sooner rather than later.

Do some research

It's not that helpful to bring in pictures and say, "I want to look like this!" No one else looks like you. If you're considering breast implants, there's a great Web site called www.implantinfo.com with a lot of information and before- and-after photos. AD-cup is usually too big for the average woman. If you're a stripper and you want that, fine, but I usually recommend a C-cup for most women.

Silverman's practice is at St.Elizabeth's Medical Center inBrighton, Massachusetts. He majored in German and earned hisM.D. at Penn State. His work can beseen at www.ricksilverman.com.

HOW TO BE ONTHE ALERTFORAVALANCHES

OUR EXPERT:

JILL FREDSTON '80 OF THE ALASKA MOUNTAIN SAFETY CENTER

Respect your surroundings

We're not innocent victims of avalanches that come roaring out of nowhere—as you see in the movies. More than 93 percent of avalanches are human- triggered.

Be aware of the terrain

Avalanches only happen in certain places. Slopes steeper than 25 degrees can avalanche, 35 to 45 degrees is prime time. These are the angles of the expert runs at ski areas. You don't have to be on a steep slope to trigger an avalanche either—you just have to be connected to one. Nor does the slope also have to be bigroughly 50 percent of accidents occur on slopes less than 300 feet high.

Recognize the risk factors

Clues to snow instability abound if you know to look for them. They include: recent avalanches on similar slopes, whumping noises (the noise of underlying snowpacks collapsing), cracks shooting along the snow surface, hollow snow that sounds drum-like, and heavy drifting.

Pay attention to the weather

The snowpack is particularly vulnerable when heavy amounts of new or windloaded snow are dumped in a short period of time. Other classic weather setups include rain on cold, dry snow, storms that start out cold and end warm, and intense solar radiation. While most naturally occurring avalanches happen during storms, most human- triggered avalanches happen after the skies have cleared and people flock into the mountains to play.

Be prepared for the worst

Don't be complacent just because it is a gorgeous day, you are with a big group or there are tracks on the slope. Travel on steep slopes one person at a time. Stay alert for key clues and listen to the message. Carry an inclinometer (for measuring slope angles), avalanche rescue beacon, shovel and probe and know how to use them. Read books. Watch videos. Go out with others who can teach you. Take an avalanche workshop. The knowledge gained is an investment in your future.

Fredston and her husband are hazard consultants at the safety centerin Anchorage and authors of Snow Sense: A Guide to Evaluating Snow Avalanche Hazard. Shemajored in geography/environmental studies before earning her master's in polar studies/snow and iceat the University of Cambridge.

JENNIFER WULFF is a writerat People magazine.