1980

Dear Mike, I'd like to see you pretty soon. You've been so ugly for so long. xox, Guess Who

Isn't Valentine's Day splendid? It's no wonder they named a massacre after it. . .

Well, by now, Old Man Winter's loosened his grip on our goosebumps. The cold is going. The ice is gone. The flowers are budding and the Buds are in the refrigerator. As soon as the robins return, it is Springsteen.

And as one vulture said to another, "Let us prey ..." Dear Mike,

I'm currently living in the Boston area and loving it. I've also discovered the answer to one of the most pressing post-college questions, "Is there party-life after Dartmouth?" What a relief to find that there really is - and my ability to get completely "_ _ _" and have a great time is remarkably the same.

Ciao for now, Laura PrescottP.S. Before Laura completely "_ _ _ _ " herself, she spent a year researching international business at Tuck and now works at Bay bank Middlesex.

Remember A1 Daigneault? His employers don't. A1 changes jobs as often as he changes socks (but that's another story . . . ). Well, Dirty Al's 17th employer is General Electric. A1 and his wife Kathy will now pack up and move to Houston, where A1 can chew Skoal with Earl Campbell and work in G.E.'s - you guessed it - recruiting department. Dear Mike,

I'm writing to you for information on the whereabouts of my son, Blake Shepard. When last I heard, Blake was asking me for tuition money for his first year of law school at Boston College. Here I am, seven months and $11,000 later, and still no word. What gives? I'm so broke I can't even pay attention. His roommates suggest looking for him at The Ark. The Ark? Is this a weak Biblical reference? Mike, what can I do? My son hasn't been such a mystery since he joined Kappa Sig. Is this normal? Please help me . . .

Wondering Shepard Minneapolis, Minn.

Dear "Wondering," Don't be concerned. This is perfectly normal. Your wandering son will contact you when his exams are over or when he runs out of money, whichever comes first.

Mike Reggie Tall reports that all is well at Case Western Medical School. (Remember, everything is relative, C.W. is in Cleveland.) Joining him in the city of brotherly sludge are Susie Wierzma and Amy Williams. Susie is the computer brainchild (had her mail and phone calls forwarded to Kiewit for four years) who now prefers "bio" to "I/O." Reggie flooded me with news of his friends, but neither one is an 'BO so I'll have to write about other people . . .

As the brides go tearing by: Ric Meilum has announced his engagement to Miss Laurie Drill. The Reverend Livingston I. Presume will drop the ring for the couple's opening face-off July 16. Ric has been teaching and coaching at his former high school in Minneapolis, the Blake School of Midwestern Transcendentalism. He and his future bride will follow in the footsteps of Mark Lewis by assuming another married name, which will also double as the school hockey team's cheer - "Drillum." That's about as funny as hiring Gerry Ford for your bomb squad . . .

Congratulations, Jeff Luker. You are engaged to Rene Simsar. Her brother is Greg Simsar. Greg Simsar is your brother, too. Have you checked the state and local laws first? Isn't there an easier way to get Rene into Sig Ep? Dear Mike,

Congratulate me; I'm now going to Notre Dame Law School. On Saint Patrick's Day I still drink green beer, but now I do it for the Gipper. Next summer I'll be clerking in Newark. Do you know where I can buy a gun? Hand grenades? Please let me know . . . Well, I'm off to the "Ding Digger Phelps" party. Bye. Tom Marek South Bendover, Ind.

Dear Mike, Last summer, Tyra Bryant and I were married. Thanks for all the press. Paul Stephens Duke University Medical School Hey Mike,

Greetings from beyond the crypt! I am currently on the aircraft carrier, Constellation, acting (I repeat, "acting") as an intelligence officer. We fly one ofthe ugliest planes in the U.S. Navy, the EA-6B Prowler. She's so ugly even the tide won't take her out (ha, ha, a little Navy talk). I've been with the squadron for five months four of which have been at sea with three to go. Should I be concerned with my wife? Are you? Our ports-o-call include Perth, Singapore, the Philippines, Hawaii, and San Diego. (But please don't write any of this, the Russians might be reading your column.) One last point - I sure did miss that cruel, cold winter you all had. Here on the Indian Ocean, it's 80 degrees and sunny every day. Well, gotta fly (ha, ha, old Navy talk), my Coppertone tan needs a touch-up. Until later, I remain that round-the girdled-earth-roamer, Ens. Steve Pope

P.S. Say hi to the rest of the '80s for me! Dear Mike, Although we have made some changes to the Form 1040 A this year, we advise you to report your taxable income from all sources. In fairness to the vast majority of taxpayers who report all their income, we make every effort to identify others who under-report. These are people like you. I am sorry to report that your request for tax-exempt status has been denied. It's not that we feel you don't quality for aid (that's another story . . . ), but you simply are not qualified for a nonresident alien exemption. Would you piease submit the $31,066.27 that you owe us.

Thank you for your cooperation. Roscoe L. Egger Commissioner of Internal Revenue

301 West 53rd St., Apt. 25E New York, N.Y. 10019