1986

The class didn't produce any NFL allstars (at least not yet, but don't count out Melissa Baten), but two of our classmates have earned glory and ovations in another sport. Jeff Brighton and Greg Hulbert are both starring on the Bay Area roller derby team which is currently ranked fifth in the country. Jeff, whose poster sports his creed "wheels are weapons," is having an all-star season as the league's top jammer. Greg has missed a few matches due to a broken skull, lacerated eyeball, and ruptured kidney, but he promises to be back in action soon.

The class has a few tough guys of another sort. Recently uncovered evidence demonstrates how Hanover is in the grip of underworld forces. Not to suggest that gangsters are entirely bad. Isn't the mob renowned/beloved for bootlegging? Could it be that Mo's was a mafia front, that the liquor commissioner, fearing for his fingers and family, permitted Mo's pickup to roam freely along Webster Ave? Even steadily increasing food prices at Thayer smack of a mafia shakedown. Maybe eery Sphinx, the impregnable concrete fortress, is an underworld sanctuary. Informed sources finger Art Krissinger as the mafia king pin. Remember how Art managed the school's social budget, and how he tried to coerce the College into serving alcohol at Collis gigs? Apparently Art showed real potential at Dartmouth because the godfather moved our diabolical classmate to Chicago, home of A 1 Capone and training ground for promising young thugs. In case you still aren't convinced of Art's sinister nature, consider this: Art has changed his name. Our friend is now called Dick (seriously). No doubt Dick had to go incognito because the fuzz was on his trail. Dick fronts at the advertising firm Leo Burnett where he places ads for a computer firm ("What if..."). In the evening he eases his conscience by working at a home for underprivileged youths.

All of you southern bricklayers can thank Kathy Gord for that two-pound solid chocolate brick she sent you for Christmas. Kathy sent bricks not to lure men for herself but rather to gain customers for the Brick Institute of America, a client of her DC advertising firm. Look for Kathy's work next time you read Construction Materials Weekly.

Also employed on the construction scene is Damon Itin. Damon isn't a hardhatter; he just scribbles on blueprints in his job with a Hartford architectural firm. One of his recent tasks involved selecting the perfect elevator control panel for a high rise ("It's the atmosphere; you've got to create the perfect atmosphere. The elevator says a lot.").

Too bad this column isn't a news video, because you surely would be interested in a few snapshots of Thea Cleminshaw,Jack Bocock, Sue Smith, and KimSpaulding, recent immigrants to New Zealand. They've all put on about 300 pounds and have joined the Manutaki Maori tribe, a rather peaceful group of cannibals. Aparently our friends have been enthusiastically recieved by the Maori, as they were given position of honor in the tribal postcard.

Remember the Mayflower Madam, that friendly young entertainer from DC? After her arrest she was forced to leave her job at May and Company, and guess who was hired to take her place: Jenn Hellman. Seems that Jenn had all the right credentials to manage the handbag department at May's.

Suzanne Virnelli reports good times with her cadaver at Duke Medical School. Sounds like Duke Med could double as Club Med; Suzanne's pad has a racquetball court, indoor and outdoor jacuzzi, weight room, pool, and yoga mat. On the surface Dave Geller appears to be a kind gentle fellow. But after keeping his aggressive nature under control for so long (and fooling most of us), Dave finally decided to let loose. The unfortunate victims are rival med school rugby teams. Dave smiles when he says, "Med school students tend to be on the small side." When he's not terrorizing his fellow students, Dave works hard in his M.D./Ph.D. program in New York.

Dave had some news to pass on about his good friend Jonathon Housum. Jonathon and Dave spent last summer roaming the, wilds of the western U.S. and Canada. When summer ended, Jonathon continued his travels and now can be found in Japan teaching English to Japanese business men. Bev Bruni and NancyStein have met similar fates in Taiwan.

Each day Anne Honan strolls into an office papered with handsome male faces (she was accustomed to being surrounded by gorgeous hunks at Dartmouth, but, now that she is in Boston, must substitute photos for the real thing). Anne selects wall coverings from the model catalogues owned by her advertising firm. Our scoping classmate currently is promoting Weeboks Reeboks designed for little feet.

Surely many of you are thinking, "Who are these weirdos Howie writes about? Who's Howie? Why isn't there news about my friends?" You send it in and I'll write it up.

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