1993

COLLECTIVE WRITER'S BLOCK HITS THE CLASS OF '93! The Girdled Earth (AP) This conversation overheard in the office of two noted doctors: 'I've never seen anything like it, over 1,000 people, completely debilitated. They are held powerless, unable to write, type, or scrawl."

In a related article: SELECTIVE MAIL STRIKE GRIPS NATION: '93 ALUMNI MAGAZINE COLUMN DEVASTATED. Central Valley (AP) In a bizarre twist of events, the United States Postal Service Employee's Union #586 announced today that they have been stockpiling mail addressed to a Christopher K. Onken, 140 Edgewood Drive, Central Valley, NY 10917-9762. In addition to a $7 special news stamp, the union has demanded bulletproof vests as standard issue and airport-style metal detectors for the staff lounge. At this point in time it is unclear why the postal workers have singled out this address or how long their strike will continue. "It's horrible! It's been weeks, no, months, since I've gotten any mail! I feel so lonely, so out of the loop," said a despondent and mailless Chris Onken.

So folks, I would love some mail.

140 Edgewood Drive, Central Valley, NY 10917-9762