A Day in the Life

From Hollywood to hometowns, Dartmouth women offer candid observationsabout work, friends and family.

As a writer and seriously nosy person,

I love knowing details about other women's lives, from what they eat for breakfast to what time they put their kids to bed at night. I also love hearing how other women think and feel, partly because I find it fascinating to see how other women view the world, and partly because I find myself frequently seeking reassurance that I'm "normal." This curiosity about other women's lives, and this need to connect, spawned an idea. Why not invite hundreds of women across the country and from all walks of life to create a diary on a single day, and share it with the reading public? What better way to get to the truth about what women are really doing, thinking and feeling as they go through their daily lives.

It's one thing to have an idea. It's quite another to make it happen. For this I asked Bindi Rakhra '85 and Rebecca Joffrey, Tu'97, to join me as co-editors of This Day: Diaries from American Women. Together we asked hundreds of women across experiential, cultural, geographic and socioeconomic boundaries to create a "day diary" for us on Tuesday, October 15, 2002.

We chose this particular date for its seeming "ordinariness." In reality, the day was anything but ordinary, at least for the diarists in Virginia, Maryland and Washington, D.C., who woke that morning to the news that a sniper had struck again, this time killing a woman in the parking lot of an Arlington, Virginia, Home Depot. All told, 529 women—including more than three dozen Dartmouth alumnae and employees—volunteered their day diaries for this book project. They offered everything from heart-wrenching confessions ("I look in the mirror and ask myself, as I do every day, why are we still together?") to laugh-out-loud truisms ("There is not enough coffee in the Western Hemisphere to get me through this managers meeting.").

The more day diaries we read, the more addicted we became as they transported us to corporate board rooms, soup kitchens, concert halls, cancer wards, classrooms, prison cells, television studios, play groups and hundreds of households across America.

Part voyeurism, part inspiration, the remarkably candid day diaries in This Day do more than satisfy a reader's curiosity. They also prove a point: Women are so much more than their outward labels suggest. Homemaker. Working mom. Native American. New Yorker. Lesbian. Ivy Leaguer. Welfare recipient. While those labels maybe accurate, they are always inadequate. By sharing a first-person perspective into another woman's life—even for a single day— readers can see the woman behind the label; the individual behind the stereotype.

At the same time the diaries revealed several common themes. For example, the refrain of so many day diaries was rush, rush, rush! The diaries demonstrated that women are the masters of multitasking, but that doesn't necessarily mean they like it. Many women also seemed to be taking stock of their lives, asking as they went throughout the day: Is this where I want to be? Is this who I want to be?

The diaries also offered some collective glimpses into what women were doing—or not doing—on that day. According to a survey of the participants, 67 percent reported doing housework on that Tuesday, but only 10 percent reported having sex. And despite the fact that 64 percent reported feeling stressed, 57 percent did not get enough sleep and 47 percent worried about money, the diaries still reflected a great deal of optimism.

Consider a day in the life of Tucson, Arizona, contributor Debi Davis, 54, a double amputee whose lift-equipped van breaks down in the morning, requiring a two-hour trip with three bus transfers to get her to her job doing animal-assisted therapy. Meanwhile, Debi rolls over dog poop in her yard and tracks it all over the house, loses her e-mails thanks to a brownout, inadvertently leaves her lacy bra hanging from the handles of her wheelchair for all the world to see, and, coming home after dark, hits a pavement eruption on the sidewalk and falls out of her chair, skinning her knee and hand. Nevertheless, the last entry in Debi's day diary reads: "Life is good. I'm so exhausted."

And that about sums it up for so many American women.

The Dartmouth Diaries

Thirty-seven Dartmouth alumnae, faculty and employees submitted their diaries for the project. Here's a sampling of their entries, some of which appear in the book:

1:55 a.m.

"Finally finished my work, or at least what I needed to finish tonight. I've been working too many hours lately. If I'm lucky I go home before 10 p.m. That just doesn't seem right. I haven't packed yet for my trip to Florida. But I just need to get some sleep at this point, since I'm waking up in four hours anyway. This sniper stuff is really bugging me. I hope I can stop thinking about it and get some sleep."

—Ema Scheidel '00, analyst, Dean and Cos., Vienna, Virginia

3:30 a.m.

"If I have a particularly exciting day of editing, it takes a long while for my mind to shut down. Today I discovered I could eliminate a scene that I thought was necessary to the movie. It was really liberating to cut that scene. Slash, slash."

—Nora Jacobson '74, independent filmmaker, Norwich, Vermont

4:43 a.m.

"Another trip to the bathroom. My husband complains if his nightly sleep is interrupted. Honey, I've got news for you. I've been getting up once in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom since I was pregnant with my now 6 1/2-year-old. By my figuring, that's at least seven years of interrupted sleep on a nightly basis."

—Linda Blockus '85, director, office of undergraduate research,University of Missouri-Columbia, Columbia, Missouri

6:30 a.m.

"My day started about a half hour before sunrise, getting prepared for the prayer (salat). The morning prayer is the shortest of the five prayers that Muslims are required to perform daily. The prayers establish the link between man and her/his Creator, and through salat a person communicates with her/his Lord, the Creator and the Sustainer of the Universe. The prayers in essence consist of praising and glorifying God, and then asking for guidance to the right path and at the end asking for forgiveness. I feel that when my day is started with these prayers, I have taken the first step on the right path and God will enlighten my heart and soul to do good the way He pleases. After the prayers, which take 10 minutes, I had breakfast and then got ready to go to work."

—Nahid Tabatabai, research associate, economics department,Dartmouth

6:45 a.m.

"Check e-mail—throw out tons of spam and read up on the day ahead. I manage a computing office for the social science division at Dartmouth. The folks in the 'abuse' department report several computers are taking more than their fair share of the network (most likely being servers for movies or music or perhaps being hacked). None of them are mine; all are students'. Whew!"

—Barbara Mellert, manager, social science computing, Dartmouth

8:55 a.m.

"Go to a PTO meeting. I was interested in hearing a doctor speak about anxiety and depression in children. I am always aware of the incredible stress and pressure on my children. The homework load alone sometimes feels oppressive. I am actually amazed that I don't see more resistance from them to all this pressure. Last year, of course, was an unbelievably stressful year for all of us. With the loss of our neighbor at the World Trade Center and the constant reminders of terrorism, coupled with the high expectations of a competitive school system and the unsettling years of adolescence, I realize how different their experiences are from mine at the same age."

—Susan Reckford '85, fiber artist, Short Hills, New Jersey

9:32 a.m.

"I'm going to the VH1/Vogue Fashion Awards tonight, a fete of music, fashion and excess, and I have nothing to wear. I chose something last week, tried it on Friday and had a mild panic attack because it just did not work. I know that considering the times we're living in, my fashion crises are about as relevant as the McRib, but this is a part of the gig, and I take the gig pretty seriously. Went out last night and chose an amazing outfit from New York designer Cynthia Rose, a beautiful vintage wool coat that I was planning to wear as a dress, but it's vintage, and women were apparently Ewok-size back then. The three-quarter sleeves cut into me like a blood-pressure bracelet, so I've got to find something else. It won't help the designer or me to be caught on TV worrying at my cuffs like a fourth-grader. It is a beautiful outfit, so I'm planning on changing into it for the after-party, where I can fidget a bit in the shadows without anyone noticing. Good Lord, my job is weird."

—Aisha Tyler '92, actress-comedienne, Los Angeles

10:00 a.m.

"Cece is in my office talking about a summary of intervention activities. I get no peace when I'm trying to pump; it's no wonder I can't achieve 'let down' sometimes. First Sarah was, 'Can you open the door?' Then Pam was tapping to come in, then Cece was knocking. Suddenly, there are four people in here and I've got my boob hung out! Zero privacy! And they don't seem to care. I sit at my desk twice per day and pump so that I can put in the nine or 10 hours that I need to so that I can take Friday afternoons off to be with my baby, Eli."

—Cheryl Bush, research coordinator, cancer-risk group, pediatrics,Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center

10:50 a.m.

"Now I'm mopping. Oh the glamorous life of a stay-at-home mom. The only reason I'm even doing it is because I got one of those new squeeze-'n'-spray-'n'-throw-away mop sheets. I hate the environmental impact, but like the convenience factor."

—Jennifer Wilson, Tu'99, stay-at-home mom, San Francisco

11:30 a.m.

"I love my hairdresser. Her name is Ivy Leaf. She does a fabulous job but, most importantly, she always makes me feel good about myself and about life. She's got great energy and a positive attitude that is infectious. Everyone should have an Ivy Leaf in their life."

—Katharine Kitchel '95, mediator, Norwich, Vermont

12:26 p.m.

"There are people—alright, just one person here—who is bent on sabotaging fledgling professionals. Old Ph. D.-guard versus the bright B.A.-toting young 'uns. She actually shushed me once when I was laughing at something in the privacy of my own office."

—Rochelle A. Bourgault '01, former direct mail and advertising assistant,University Press of New England, Enfield, New Hampshire

12:45 p.m.

"Conference call is running over, Topic is somewhat interesting, but still not the most efficient use of my time. Participants start repeating what has already been said. Decide to check e-mail while this endless call wraps up."

—Deborah McGonigle, Tu'97, marketing VP, Liberty Mutual, Boston

1:11 p.m.

"Great Floridian Triathlon in three days, 20 hours and counting AACK! I've got a huge pile on the kitchen floor, trying to figure out what to pack and how to pack. GFT is my first Ironman-distance triathlon race. I have dreamt about going the distance—a 2.4-mile lake swim, 112-mile bike and 26.2-mile run—for 10 years. I think about Ironman every day. For me, triathlon is more than just exercise, it's a lifestyle. Packing food and equipment into Ziploc bags. Getting ready for this event is the opposite of voluntary simplicity. I have a warm-up bag, swim-to-bike transition bag, bike special- needs bag, bike-to-run transition bag and run special-needs bag. Bags are everywhere."

—Anna Adachi-Mejia '92, postdoctoral fellow, Dartmouth

3:50 p.m.

"My family friend, Adriana, calls. She's neat, doesn't brag, just so matter-of-fact. I'm more baby-competitive than she is. I don't brag about my kids but I observe and compare quietly. I absolutely love to hear surprise or praise that my babies are precocious, walking and talking earlier than other kids their age or older. I think the kids also benefit from the verbal praise from a person other than their parent. Whenever I say to Tara, 'Did I ever tell you how smart and beautiful you are?' she always answers, 'Thanks, Mom, but you're just saying that because you're my mother.'"

—Mabelle Drake Hueston '86, stay-at-home mom,Long Beach, California

4:25 p.m.

"Karate. We're late. My son, Clinton, slips off his shoes and scoots through the door, stopping to bow. He stands between a sweet 17year-old 'green belt' girl with cerebral palsy (CP) who is ambulatory and a 7-year-old 'orange belt' girl with CP who started with a walker but is now in a wheelchair. There's also a boy, 5 years old, who just started the class. He is on the milder end of the autism spectrum and has much more language than Clinton. I sit down on a bench and put my face in my hands. It would be so much easier just to send Clinton away to a specialized school, where he would only be around other autistic kids. But I know in my heart that wouldn't be right. Sometimes I feel like giving up on trying to get him more included. People talk about tireless efforts of parents of children with autism. I feel so tired. Better to say 'unyielding.'"

—Therese Ojibway '78, program coordinator for autistic children,Maplewood, New Jersey

5:00 p.m.

"I am on my way home! It is so unusual to be going home so early—I know this won't last! On the way home I hear on NPR that the Virginia sniper has struck again—the ninth victim. This time it was a 47-year-old woman loading her car in a Home Depot parking lot. What a horrid situation; so tragic. Just a reminder of how important it is to value and treasure each day. It is a cliche but it is true: You never know what tomorrow will bring."

—Melaura Wittemyer '92, internist, Portland, Oregon

7:00 p.m.

"Started playing guitar, practicing my songs. My friend, Scott, and I have been working together since last December, just about once a week, but pretty consistently. We want to be in a band. We both write songs. We're singer-songwriters, I guess."

—Rene Holtzman '92, special education teacher, Austin, Texas

10:00 p.m.

"In bed and reading The Search for God at Harvard. There's something about reading about others' search for meaning that gives direction to my search for deeper understanding about my life and my effort to understand, to do better, be better and to keep it all in balance."

—Patricia Palmiotto, director, James M. Allen Initiativefor Corporate Citizenship, Tuck School

11:49 p.m.

"Ready for bed, and just minutes left of this day. It's been a long day. Tom is already asleep (or at least pretending to be asleep) and I hope I'm just minutes away myself. The Hobbit (the audio recording of the book that we listen to almost every night) should do its trick."

—Amy Sanger '94, administrator, digital vision fellowship program,Stanford University, Stanford, California

"I absolutely to hear surprise of praise that my babies are precocious, walking and talking earlier than other kids their age." -Mabelle Drake Hueston '86, stay-at-home mom

JONI COLE is a freelance writer, marketing consultant and mom. She livesin White River Junction, Vermont.From This Day: Diaries from American Women. ©2003 by This Day,LLC. Reprinted with permission of Beyond Words Publishing Inc. (Hillsboro,Oregon).